East Coast Transplant

Hutchelo Wedding Recap

2012-02-04T21:24:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time a lost twenty something moved to the west in search of a new beginning. She landed in a magical place called Portland. She never could have envisioned the life that would unfold before her...

You know what? Scratch that. I'm not about to perpetuate the fairy tale that gets us girls in trouble on THIS blog.

Once upon a time a lost twenty something followed a boy across the country. When that shit blew up she gave life and a new city a try on her own. After many nights of tequila shots and self loathing, she managed to finish her decade long education, make some amazing friends, and recover from the relationships she'd had with fellow lost self loathing twenty somethings she'd met along the way.

Then one fateful day she went to a bar and found love when she least expected it. They lived happily ever after <3

Who says you can't find love in a bar?

I'm here to tell you that you absolutely can, and I did.

I met my very best friend and love of my life in a neighborhood bar just over a year ago. A week ago today I married him.

The Hutchelo wedding was really the event of the season. It was an unseasonably perfect January day in Hood River in a little villa on the water. An intimate ceremony was planned with only immediate family in attendance. At 4pm the bride and groom began their walk down the aisle to the timelessly romantic song "You got what I need" by Joshua Radin. The bride grinned from ear to ear for the duration of the ceremony, particularly when she was surprised with a perfectly sized ring. Little known fact, the bride has freakishly small fingers and had to have a size 4 ring specially made. She had given up hope that her ring would be ready in time for her wedding day but the groom was very sneaky and switched out the rings under the brides radar the night before...
The ceremony was performed by one Ruth Mathis, a long time family friend and Pastor of the Windsnes/Hutchinson clan. "The Art of Marriage" was recited before the bride and groom repeated their vows. The sun had just begun to set as they said "I do" and sealed it with a kiss. In need of a moment together as a new married couple, they made their exit back down the aisle to "You make my dreams" by the one and only Hall & Oats.
When the bride and groom returned they were greeted with hugs and congratulations from family and cocktails served by their favorite bartenders and friends from North 45. The bride and groom were pleasantly surprised after dinner with an original love poem written and read by the grooms stepfather and a slideshow documenting their romance to the music of Alexi Murdoch compliments of the grooms sister and brother in law. The icy hearted bride shed tears of joy.
The next morning the bride and groom looked out at the river and the mountains and were greeted by a double rainbow. True story.

I'm fairly certain they live happily ever after.

Moral of the story? Drink up kids. Your might just find your soul mate at the bottom of that glass!

Back on the Wagon

2011-08-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

That's it. It's official. I miss ranting via the world wide web about the everyday mundane events of my life. I am certain that anyone who happened to stumble upon said rants in the past MUST feel the same way... So for the sake of everyone involved, I'm back. Your welcome :)

Quick recap. Just kidding. It probably won't be quick. Updating this blog has crossed my mind often over the past few months. I mean, I feel that you deserve to know when my boyfriends 80 pound dog drags me into a face plant on 21st Avenue. That's just funny (and painful on so many levels...). You also deserve to be updated on my regular creeper encounters. I haven't lost my touch people. They still come to me. My daily encounters are as absurd as ever. I still have things to say, so today my friends, marks the return of the rant.

Here is what is new. I'm twenty nine and a half which means that I should really be wrapping up my quarter life crisis, like, any day now... I think I'm about to create a whole new crisis for the lost thirty somethings but lets not get ahead of ourselves. I still have six months to try and pull it together (whatever that means).

The real problem I'm running into these days is defining "having it together". The older I get and the more I live, the more I realize that my definition doesn't match that of my parents, or even most of my friends. I think I've always known that, so the bigger picture these days is trying to decide what "having it together" means for me and ignoring judgement from the many all knowing best of intentioned advice givers in the world.

Does anyone really have it together though? Won't there always be uncertainty in life? Won't there always be bad days, bills to pay, and obnoxious obligations? We are all faced with challenges everyday ranging from tedious nuances to real dilemma's and tragedies. That will never change. This is life. I for one have spent a lot of time glorifying certain milestones and occasions in my life. I think we all have a picture in our minds of what our perfect life looks like and what it will take to get there. Paying off the credit card or the student loan, buying a house, meeting the right person, getting the perfect job... I by no means discourage goal setting and daydreaming. It keeps us going. Even if we don't end up where we intended, our goals often lead us to dreams we didn't even know we had. What I am really trying to encourage in myself and others is finding a way to be content in whatever moment you are in today. I don't want my life to be like the build up to prom night or the anticipation of a great vacation that goes by in the blink of an eye. While we are pining away for the next big thing, life passes us by.

Today I am trying to quiet my mind. It isn't easy because I have felt a lot of uncertainty since graduating in the spring. My mind was immediately racing. What next? I couldn't believe I was already contemplating going back to school after all of the anticipation of getting out. In the midst of it all Mitch, Kaia, Til, and I decided it was time to join forces and begin cohabitating in sin. The hundred feet between our apartment buildings was beginning to be too much. We prepared Kaia (Mitch's 80 pound lab/shar pei mix) and Matilda (my 8 pound cat) as best we could with weekly visits but in the end punches were thrown. Hisses were had. I'm happy to report that only Kaia's ego was injured.

Just as I thought things were beginning to settle down and we were all finding our creamy center living together (as Lindsey would say), building renovations began. Oh what fun. We are currently listening to the sounds of scraping and banging from 8am-5pm daily as workers scrape away old lead paint, pressure wash, and re paint our building. Our beloved sun porch as been quarantined for weeks as this process unfolds.

In addition to all of my uncertainty, the merging of lives, wars of the stepchildren, and building renovations, Mitch has been dealing with his own uncertainties at work. As the company he works for is being dissolved he will potentially be looking at some major changes in the next few months. We are both literally in limbo as far as the future is concerned right now. It can feel unsettling which is why I have made it my goal to take a few steps back and realize that life unfolds in front of us no matter what. No amount of talking or planning will change that. All we ever have control of is the very moment we are living in. This reality, despite all of its truth, SUCKS for control freaks like me. I really wish I was one of those calm, composed, zen people who lives in loose clothing and drinks caffeine free tea in a perpetual state of bliss. Seriously? Who are these freaking people and how much does their therapist charge per hour?

In my attempt to be calm and wise I have been reading about mindfulness and meditation. The few times that I have taken a stab at mediation have been EPIC failures. Right now I am only reading. I am trying to get back into a regular yoga practice as meditation in motion has proven to be a better fit for me. I stand by exercise as the cure for a racing mind - but a little mental control wouldn't suck I guess so I shall continue my reading and sharing with anyone who cares!

On a completely shallow and "un zen" note I would like to share one last thought before concluding this welcome back rant.

I HATE rubber flip flops. There. I said it. Rubber flip flops have two places as far as I'm concerned. Suspicious showers and the beach. If I see one more seemingly well dressed girl walking around carrying a designer bag rocking RUBBER FLIP FLOPS I may beat her with my rubber freaking yoga mat.

"But they are only $5!"
I don't want to hear it. How much did the rest of your outfit cost? Fairly certain you can find some sandals at the Goodwill.

"But they are comfortable!"
So are socks and sandals and Crocs. Don't be that person.

"But I don't care that much about what I look like. Its whats on the inside that counts."
I care deeply about all of your warm and fuzzy places on the inside but seriously...
leave em at the beach!

End random inappropriate rant.

I'm still here... sort of.

2011-03-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

So... its 2011 now. I'm 29 now... To be clear, my blog is not dead, only my motivation. I am approaching the finish line of this marathon education of mine and believe me when I tell you I am dragging. I need one of those little five hour energy drinks or those creepy little packets of gel gunk that athletes down. I need SOMETHING or someone to just push me to that finish line because I have a serious case of senioritis. My official catch phrase of 2011 thus far has been "I want my life back!"

Let me preface this rant by saying that I am beyond thankful for the opportunity to finish my undergraduate degree. When I came to Portland, finishing school was an important personal goal for me even in the midst of my world being turned upside down. Now, here I am, almost three years later to the day and I have just a few short months to go. The end is finally in sight and I couldn't be happier, or more terrified but the rant of my extended adolescence/quarter life crisis is for another day my friends.

I can't believe that I've been in Portland for three years now. When I think about my journey over these past few years I am overwhelmed and I'm not even sure I can name the emotion I am so overwhelmed with... Pride? Relief? Nostalgia? Joy? Hell if I know. I could sit around all day listening to the array of dark and sappy songs in my itunes library trying to figure exactly what it is I feel about the past but the truth is right now I only want to look to the future. I mean lets face it, 2010 wasn't really my year. My love life was an astonishing disaster, surprise surprise. Finishing school seemed very far away which made the process beyond painful. I really came face to face with a few of my own demons last year which is always for the best in the end but never an enjoyable process. In addition to all of the growing as a person hoopla, I somehow managed to regress in the most basic area's of development such as gross motor skills. I sort of thought that like most, I would tackle this in old age but hey, there is no time like the present! To give an exact number of face plants for 2010 would just be flat out embarrassing but believe me when I tell you that number is higher than it should be for a chick in her twenties. PS, none of said face plants occurred under the influence. I know what you were thinking...

*sigh* Yes indeed I decided to welcome the new year, my birthday, and my three year anniversary in Portland with open arms. I hate New Years, but damn it I celebrated. I HATE my birthday, but I celebrated and damn it, it was the best birthday I ever had. I hate anniversaries of all kinds but damn it I love Portland and moving here was the best decision I have ever made so instead of being a whiny little bitch (I get that the word bitch is totally horizontally oppressive but seriously? Sometimes its necessary)I am embracing this day and every face plant that got me here :)

So here I am, I'm still here. I have so much to say and so little time. Hopefully that will change soon. My life will be mine again in T - Minus 75 days. The countdown is on, stay with me!

2010-12-01T20:42:00.000-08:00

Lets play a game called what are the odds?

What are the odds of falling flat on your face TWICE in two weeks?

What are the odds of running into your ex and his new girlfriend under the most awkward circumstances imaginable TWICE in one day?

What are the odds of your heat breaking the very day the temperature drops down into the 20's in PORTLAND OREGON?

What are the odds of the internet breaking on the SAME day the heat bitched out right before all of your work is due for an online course?

What are the odds of realizing that said ex's head is in every single picture you took from a Christmas tree lighting where there were THOUSANDS of people?
Apparently the odds of this happening were about as good as those of a TERROR plot to bomb the entire event.

*sigh*

Seriously?
WHAT ARE THE FREAKING ODDS?

A Word on Nudity

2010-08-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

I should preface this rambling by saying that I have the utmost appreciation for the female form. I enjoy being naked just as much as the next girl although I've noticed recently that some enjoy it more than others... Much much more...

The locker room. Case in point.

I admittedly do not spend a lot of time in locker rooms... Whenever possible I show up to the gym or yoga class dressed and ready to get my work out on. On the rare occasion that I have to change I always opt to multi task by emptying my bladder and changing into my work out attire in one fell swoop (ie in the privacy of my own stall). What can I say? I enjoy my privacy. I am well read on women's studies and I am aware that some may view this preference as age old shame but I am here to tell you that that is not the case at all. I love my body. We have a very good relationship. It just so happens to be a closed monogamous relationship. With that said I hold no grudges against women who choose to change "in public". That is what the locker room is there for after all. I am by no means defending my freak of nature habits or calling them the "norm" but my script of the locker room has always gone something like this... You go in, you change, you go work out. Right? Wrong. Very wrong.

There is a new breed of middle aged women out on the prowl. I haven't decided if their mission is empowerment, a mere fetish, or sheer and utter laziness but more and more I find myself wishing that in addition to socks, a water bottle, and my ipod, I had included a blindfold in my gym bag. Since when is letting it all hang out socially acceptable? Here I am teaching Tejal that it isn't appropriate to run around the house without any underwear on and grown women are having tea time in the locker room stark naked?! I mean seriously? If you must carry on a lengthy conversation in the locker room for gods sake put your shirt on! Perhaps a shirt is too troublesome for some. I get that. I mean putting both arms in can be daunting at times... How about a bra? I mean hell, since we're all getting so intimate with one another I'm sure another woman would be willing to help with that oh so tricky clasp. If there aren't any good samaritans in sight might I suggest a towel? I am consistently baffled by the women who choose to discuss world peace in the locker room after disrobing. I admit, that in the maturity department my compass doesn't exactly point due north but the only thought that runs through my mind under these circumstances goes something like this... "Boooooooooobs, boobs, booooooobs, I see boobs." These women could be discussing an exit strategy for the middle east, a cure for AIDS, or a way to end world hunger and the only response I would be able to formulate would be "Booooobs". I get that we're all women but I for one haven't evolved enough to treat the naked body with the same disinterest as the clothed. Apparently I still have growing up to do.

Colonel Summers Park. Case in point.

I have always been fond of Colonel Summers Park. I admit, it is the SE Portland hippy/hipster breeding ground but my free spirited side has always felt a certain kinship with these folks and it is just a nice chill place to lay around, read a book, and enjoy the sun. About a week ago, I was doing just that. I found a nice spot to lay out and catch up on my reading. Shortly after I arrived, a fellow Portland jobless wonder found a comfy spot a few feet away from me. We exchanged smiles because thats what us friendly Portlanders do, and went about our leisurely ways. I layed down, and closed my eyes and fell into that wonderful late afternoon dreamy state. When I opened my eyes to resume my summer read, I was slightly startled to find that my fellow Portlander had also fallen into a relaxing state. There she was. Kickin it in her birthday suit. Yep. Full frontal. Boobs and bush.

I honestly tried to be that hip, evolved southeaster who defines indecent exposure as wearing a trendy brand like Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle but really, all I could think was "Booooobs. Booooobs. Naked chick right next to me... Booobssss". Alas, I am immature, unevolved, and instead of being the perv at the park staring at the naked chick, I went home. *sigh*

As I sit here sipping my fourth cup of coffee I can't help but wonder if the saying youth is wasted on the young is true. I mean, maybe being nude in public is a whole lot of fun. Maybe the middle aged nudies are secretly laughing it up every time a modest twenty something gets antsy and fidgity over their nude complacency. Perhaps as we grow older baring it all becomes the least of our worries. If this is the case, I guess my only hope is that I reach this state of enlightenment before my B's go saggy :)

2010-07-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

Current Mood - Relaxed

Listening to - Floating Vibes By Surfer Blood

Happy Monday to me. It is 6:30pm and I am relaxing with a Drop Top. For those of you who haven't discovered good beer, that would be the Widmer Brothers Amber Ale. MMM Sweet summer perfection served in a glass bottle :) Who has time to pour it in a glass anyway? Even if I did have time to pour it in a glass (which I so do...) I wouldn't because I have a theory. Bottles are conducive to sipping. Glasses are conducive to guzzling. Three beer queers can't afford to guzzle my friends.

This Monday has been especially leisurely. Usually, I would just just be leaving Tejal and Uma or at best searching for parking. My sweet little girls have lots of family in town this week and no need for their "Nana" so here I am! Is it sad that I would rather be with Tejal and Uma than off all week? Don't get me wrong, I find myself exhausted and loving some R&R from time to time, but I get it every other day! Yes, you heard me correctly. I spend three long days at my second home with the little princesses who I nanny for and I am off the other two, in addition to a week off here and there than I didn't even ask for! I know... I love my life. Don't hate. Scheduling is a HUGE Nanny perk. I had Fridays off when I was a nanny in Maryland. Oh how I loved my three day weekends! I love it when a family member or friend I haven't seen in a long time asks me when I'm going to be finished school or when I'm going to get a "real" job. Hmmm. Lets see. I get paid to share in the joy of watching two amazing little girls grow up. I get to see the firsts. I get the hugs and kisses. I get the laughter. We sing, we dance, we play. Right now we are in the middle of what I call "Park Palooza" where we visit every park in a ten mile radius. Sometimes we throw impromptu dance parties in the living room just for kicks (PS, I take credit for all of the girls really bad dance moves). Hell, Tejal even knows how to make me my cup of coffee! Before anyone calls social services I should mention that this only involves inserting a K cup into the machine and hitting the brew button and she loves doing it :) I essentially enjoy all of the great things about parenthood, but I get to go home at night and hit up HAPPY HOUR. WHADUP! SO to answer your question (lame ass who sits in an office all day) raising children IS a real job and its way cooler than yours! It does of course come with its challenges but those challenges are always worth it :)

SO. For the past three days I have been flying by the seat of my pants around P Town. Running, going to yoga, and lounging around at the park in the sun.

New development in my life. I recently ditched my gym membership at NW Women's Fitness in NE Portland and joined 24 Hour Fitness in the Pearl (just a few streets away from my apartment). Parking has proven to be such hell in the city that I have recently been talking myself out of going to the gym for fear of losing my treasured parking spot. Ok, so there obviously aren't assigned spaces but anyone who lives in the city knows that you eventually find a lucky spot. I have a lucky spot (Reveal where it is? NO CHANCE! Its MY SPOT) that is open more often than not when I am getting home from work. I instinctively go there and it is always shocking when I find that some numnuts missed the memo that it was my parking space. In my history of parking in NW Portland I have found that if my spot is taken, the chances of finding another spot are slim to nil. If MY spot is taken, I can count on circling the city streets for no less than twenty minutes in search of some other poor suckers spot. Its a vicious cycle I tell you and ultimately it was making me fat and possibly mentally unstable. I am quite certain that city congestion and limited parking is a cause of agoraphobia... I apologize to NW Women's Fitness. You were a good gym. You had the cool vitamin D light room. You had fountains and soothing music in the locker room. I didn't have to shave my legs to work out with a bunch of middle aged chicks... Losing my parking spot vs Having to shave my legs... Damn it. I'm still not certain I made the right call.

Ahhh 24 Hour Fitness. Welcome to the meat market. Let the grunting begin. In fairness, I have found that so long as I avoid the gym between the hours of 6pm-8pm on weeknights, the people are tolerable and those who are intolerable are at least amusing. My most favorite thing is when a guy hops on the treadmill right next to me when there are twenty others open and starts sprinting as fast as he possibly can. Inevitably, 3-5 minutes go by and the doofus is exhausted. Not being able to maintain such an ambitious pace, he slows down, gets bored, and ultimately walks away with his tail between his legs. Two words. Planet Penis.

A. Don't do that.
B. Going into cardiac arrest doesn't impress me.
C. Seriously?

Remember that time I listened to 107.5 for a week just for kicks because the song lyrics were so asinine? I think meat head observation just became my new favorite past time :) God I love my life.

2010-07-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

Current Mood - Conflicted

Listening to - Feelin' the Same Way By Norah Jones

Have I ever mentioned that being a grown up sort of sucks? I'm quite certain that I have, but for the sake of emphasis I'll say it again. Being a grown up SUCKS. As teenagers we count down the days to independence. We have this romanticized, idealized vision of what life will be like without people telling us what to do and the world waiting at our finger tips. At twenty eight I'm sitting here sort of wondering why I was in such a hurry. Free will is a blessing and a curse. Am I yearning to be back in Westminster Maryland where my entire life and all of its possibilities were already laid out for me? No. Some how, some way, (and not without help) I think I managed to make decisions leading me to the kind of life I want to live. I guess what I have been experiencing lately are those moments of clarity. Those moments where your daily stream of consciousness is interrupted by the quick astounding realization that you are in the drivers seat of your own life.

This feeling comes to me periodically and typically in succession with what I feel are turning points in my life. At twenty eight years old, I have obviously been privy to the fact that I am sort of in charge of my life. What I'm talking about here is the difference between knowing it, and feeling it.

This time in my life has made me realize just how many decisions await me, and more than that, the magnitude of those decisions. Lately, I have been trying to close my eyes and visualize where I would like to see myself in the next five years. What does my life look like? Where am I? Who is in it? When I was living in Maryland I didn't have to think about that because I already knew. I would live no more than thirty minutes away from my parents. I would find a job that paid the bills. I would marry someone born and raised in Carroll County. We would hit the main street bars for fun for a few years until we got so bored we decided to reproduce. I say this with sarcasm but truly there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some of the happiest people I know followed that very path. It was just not the path I dreamed up for myself.

What sucks most about adulthood is being handed the keys, hopping in the drivers seat, getting into an accident, and realizing that you only have yourself to blame... Metaphorically speaking that is :) I mean, CRAP!!! Right?!

Here I am, in this amazing city. I live alone. Ok, I live with my cat but for once, lets not take it to the "cat lady" level... I have a hand full of good friends here but that is where it ends. I am really really alone. I have no one influencing me or guiding me. I am by no means saying this in a "poor me" way. I absolutely LOVE my life. I have never been happier. I guess the point I am trying to make is that I find myself in a unique situation. There is no one putting in their two cents on my life and my decisions. My mom and dad have no idea what my life looks like from day to day. We talk once a week and discuss the weather and when my next visit home will be. My friends, being the amazing people that they are, are supportive of whatever I say. My cat thinks I am a rockstar as long as I provide her with clean litter and frisky's crunchy treats. Pickin up what I'm puttin down? My life is all about me. Me. Me. Me. No outside influences. That scares the living hell out of me sometimes. There is something comforting about having someone to blame when the shit hits the fan. This is all I'm saying.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to be present in my own life. It is so easy to fall into the "daily grind" if you will. Days, weeks, months, and before you know it years go by with little recognition. I am content in my life right now and time seems to be flying by. With that said, lately I am having trouble looking ahead. How humbling. I have no idea what I would like to see change. I'm not sure if this means that I am exceptionally happy, stunted, or just flat out scared. In light of this, I have been considering moving lately. I've been looking around for apartments that allow dogs (no offense to my bff Matil...), and that get better light (not that the view of the brick building next to me isn't breath taking...). I'm taking summer classes just to keep trucking along with this marathon education of mine. I've been trying to find a new volunteer opportunity to get involved with. I did the unthinkable and took up yoga. Yes, it is true. I am bending my body in ways it was not meant to bend for the sake of "growing" as a person. Please laugh. I laugh every time I lose my balance trying to stand on one foot while tangling my arms together in ways only Gumby can replicate.

*sigh*

My days are being washed away!

2010-06-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

Current Mood - Calm
Listening to - Count your blessings By Nas and Damian Marley

I find myself in complete and utter amazement that we are already halfway through June. Where are the days going? That was a rhetorical question by the way. I'll tell you where they're going. They are figuratively and LITERALLY being washed away. This "summer" is beginning to feel like a sick joke. All of the "locals" (despite the fact that I have been a resident of Portland for two years I do not feel that I have reached local status) say that this weather is completely out of the ordinary and that this is the worst spring Portland has seen in a long time. I don't feel that residing here for two years gives me the clout to evaluate that statement one way or the other but what I can say with certainty is that I am FREAKING OVER IT! I am over it like I'm over reality t.v. I'm over it the way I'm over my bathroom scale. I'm over it the way I'm over every last delusional relationship I've ever been in. I'm over it the way I'm over drinking tequila to solve my problems. Ok... lets not get ahead of ourselves. I may have been a little overzealous on that last one but you get the point. June 15th, rain and hail? OVER IT. End Rant.

Despite the seemingly never ending atypical wet weather I have admittedly been as happy as I have been in a long time. I'm not sure what I can attribute this to... like most, I rarely take the time to analyze those times in my life that are peaceful and carefree.

The sun has been making brief cameo appearances in this movie I like to call my life. Its like summer foreplay if you will. Us Portlanders are being teased with a sunny day here and there. It isn't the real deal... but its still fun :) I have been taking full advantage of the warm and sunny days as they grace us with their presence. I feel so lucky to live just an hour off of the beautiful Oregon coast. There is nothing I love more than spending an entire day staring out at the ocean, falling asleep listening to the waves break, waking up with sunburn resembling abstract art... Yes. Its true. At twenty eight I am still incapable of grasping the fact that the sun is still hot even when there is a cool breeze coming off the ocean and clouds moving in and out... Hey, I'm a nanny not a rocket scientist people. I'm like a little kid. The sun comes out and all sensibility goes out the door. I am a girl who has to run around on the sand in my bare feet whether it is June or January. I am a girl who jumps in puddles! I am a girl who basks in the sun and comes home looking like a hot mess... I can only hope that I am always this girl!

In addition to bee lining it to the coast, I have also spent a lot of time lounging on a blanket with a book at Colonel Summers park in my old hood (SE Portland). Despite how beautiful Laurelhurst and Mt Tabor are, I still find myself hanging out at Colonel Summers park. I guess it just reminds me most of my first year here in Portland. It is occupied primarily by the hippie/bohemians of the east side and even though I've moved on to what I consider the better dressed side of town I still love returning to my "roots".

My nanny gig is as awesome as ever. There is never a dull moment with Tejal and Uma and I wouldn't have it any other way. Those girls are the two little loves of my life! Now that Tejal is two, I always have someone to talk to :) Children never cease to amaze me. One day she is a giggly chubbalicious little baby and the next she is a miniature grown up trying to make sense of this world. She cracks me up. I should write more about some of the stuff that comes out of that girls mouth because it is priceless! Uma has had a pretty big month! She finally started crawling, saying a few words, and got her first tooth! I cannot believe she is turning a year old on Thursday. It seems like yesterday that I was meeting that little peanut in the hospital! Uma is now the giggly chubbalicious little baby in the house. She is always happy, always laughing. Babies are such a great reminder of how fast time goes by. They grow and change so much in their first year... As adults, months and weeks go by and if we change it typically goes unnoticed. Children are such an amazing reminder that life is ever changing, we just have to remind ourselves to stand still once and while to see it.

At the moment I am sitting on the couch with cat and computer on my lap (this is always the way... Matilda sees the appearance of the mac book as a personal invite to sit on top of whatever I am doing while purring at distracting decibals). Its almost 11pm and I should by all rights be going to bed as my alarm will be going off at 6am tomorrow morning. I'm a little wired today. I had a rockstar run this morning. An awesome hour of yoga this afternoon, and would you believe I only had ONE cup of coffee ALL day? There is a good possibility that hell has frozen over and that there are pigs flying around outside of my apartment. If my cat wasn't camping out on my lap I would go outside and look but the slightest movement mid slumber is quite the inconvenience to the slightly overweight feline who owns this place and calls all the shots... Yep. I said it. My cat owns me. I'm not proud of it.

On that note I suppose I will try to get some sleep. No amount of caffeine, yoga, or running will morph me into super nanny on less than seven hours of sleep!

2010-06-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

It would appear that I am in a bit of a blogging funk! Every time I find the time to sit and write I lose all motivation. ADD? My mother swears I have it. "You can't sit still for a split second! You're just like you're father!". I am most definitely my fathers daughter but I don't think ADD is the culprit of my blogging strike... This weather is making me feel like that woman wind up toy on whatever depression commercial they play on t.v. all the time. I'm not depressed by any means but MAN! Clouds and rain sure do make spelunking and boycotting productivity easy. If the weather doesn't lift soon I'm going to turn into a three hundred pound cat lady who has to wear sunglasses on over cast days while I sit outside in a lawn chair throwing back pbr's in the middle of the day. Rainy days make it so easy to justify being lazy. "Ahh its raining. I'll sit here and have ~~three more cups~~ one more cup of coffee". "Eh, its raining. Rainy days are for hanging on the couch and watching movies". Last time I checked this is only the case when rainy days are few and far between as opposed to everyday... "Ohhh its rainy, I could go for some comfort food". Jillian Michaels is going to be showing up here any day now to steal my macaroni and cheese. Last but not least, "Meh, its raining. Just going to skip class as opposed to getting wet on the walk to the streetcar stop" (2 streets away...). The only positive thing that has come out of all of these April, May, and June showers are my green polka dot rain boots! I'm sort of in love with them and admittedly crossed my fingers for a few more rainy days after I bought them. I may or may not have worn them around my apartment today just for fun... God knows I didn't want to brave the elements to go to class, green polka dots rain boots or not! Here they are, the latest addition to my closet.

The truth is I have been braving the elements. I've been running every day rain or shine (mostly rain). I have to admit, there is something almost fun about getting rained on when you're out running! I already feel amazing and alive when I'm out running by the water, but there is something almost cleansing about a cold rain falling on you. Any other time I'd be pissed that my hair (that I spent 30 minutes straightening) was going to be a curly mess but lets face it, I'm already a busted ass mess when I'm running so when the rain falls all I can think about is how good it feels. Its like washing away a layer of stress. It makes me feel like a little kid again when getting all wet was fun and vanity was the furthest thing from my mind. I suppose that is why I've been known to jump in puddles while under the influence :) I suppose that is why I love my green polka dot rain boots so much! Shouldn't life be about having the maximum amount of fun? The Portland weather forecast predicts heavy rain tomorrow. Rest assure I'll be running my little heart out!

Moving right along. Spring quarter is just about finished at PSU. I wish I had something exciting to report but I went to class as little as necessary to maintain a respectable grade point average. My human sexuality class which I promised to blog about was an astonishing disappointment. So much potential, such a waste. Well, not for me. It was a waste for the people who actually showed up! Apparently Professor Tinker gave his best performance on the first day and forgot to show up the rest. It is beyond me how a professor who teaches the same course quarter after quarter still has to read his lectures word for word from a sheet of paper and what is even more perplexing is how he managed to dodge mastering the use of an over head projector in his line of work. I read the book, show up for exams, and make better use of my time from 2-3:50pm on Tuesday and Thursdays. Sorry Tinker.

In other news I had one of my most embarrassing bug encounters yet a couple of weeks ago. I am proud to say that I did not call my father. I did however run out of the bathroom pants around my ankles, midstream after spotting a thousand leg creepy crawler in my bathtub... I'm not proud of it. *sigh* I retold this story to a couple of friends and they asked why on earth I would admit such a thing?! Why? Because quite frankly, its funny! (Pathetic but funny) I mean, I am twenty eight years old. I have a job. I pay bills. Bartenders serve me alcohol. I can rent a car. By almost anyone's standards I am a grown up and most grown up's understand that there are very few bugs that can and will actually hurt you. I on the other hand find joy in green polka dot rain boots and RUN for my life (mid tinkle if necessary) at the sight of an insect. This is who I am. Take it or leave it :)

2010-05-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

Mood - Defeated
Listening to - I Love the Rain the Most By Joe Purdy

Another month gone by? I haven't blogged in a month? The truth is, I haven't had the time or the patience to recount or make light of my every day shenanigans this past month. The truth is, I'm in a bit of a funk. Maybe the dreary Portland winter has finally gotten under my skin. Maybe I need to start running again. Maybe I'm having difficulty envisioning the finish line to my marathon of an undergraduate degree. Maybe it is my new found vitamin D deficiency that my Dr assured me is shared by all Portlanders. Maybe I need a vacation. Maybe I just said goodbye to my best friend and its hitting me harder than I thought. It would be awesome if it were anything but the latter because you know what? Summer is only weeks away. I can start running again tomorrow. I am getting closer to finishing my degree. I can take a stupid vitamin. I can book a vacation. The only thing I can't change is that my partner in crime is far away and will be for a long time.

SO... Fear not. I still get approached regularly by the creepiest of creepers on the streetcar. My head still wants to explode more often than not at Portland State. I still try to pretend I'm twenty three sometimes and pay dearly for it the next day. I still have passionate and quirky rants about random things. I still drink excessive amounts of caffeine every morning. I still find ways to embarrass myself regularly. One day soon I'll find the energy to share my shenanigans once again :)

Blogs to come!

I'm back

2010-04-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

Mood - wired

Listening to - OMT By Paper Brain

Wow... it would almost appear that I lead an exciting life judging from how few and far between my blogs have been lately. I can assure you this is not the case. I'm just lazy or really busy or chronically drunk. Maybe a little of all three. I don't know.

The last time I blogged I had just returned from San Diego. As I sit here sipping my Newman's organic extra bold, I can't help but wonder where the past few weeks have gone. God I love coffee. Is it sad that there are days that that cup of coffee is my motivation to get out of bed? Better coffee than booze I suppose... At least I still have standards.

Today is April 2nd. Just over three months into 2010. Oh how time flies when you're having fun... or on the verge of a psychotic melt down. Lets face it. This blog was never about sugar coating things. If you're going to read it you have to deal with my colorful rants and psychotic meltdowns. It has been a little bit of both for me, (psychotic meltdowns and fun that is...) I very arrogantly wrote a blog at the beginning of the year saying that at the very least I knew who I was. I've thought a lot about that in the past few weeks. I have to assume that that is where my time has gone. I'd hate to think that I'm moving backwards in my quarter life crisis... but in fairness, sometimes you have to take a few steps back in order to move forward. I feel confident that with my cat and a drink in hand I can ride this one out... Some people prefer therapy. I personally firmly believe that there is very little in life that can't be solved with a shot of tequila. I really don't have the energy to dive into my latest and greatest self indulgent contemplations but I'm quite certain that in the very near future with a drink in hand I will. Then, you, (my fabulous readers) will read my blog and say "Wow... This girl really has a way of making me feel better about my life!" I'm fairly certain that anyone who reads this does so for that very purpose and FYI, I'm totally cool with that.

*sigh*

Spring quarter at PSU is now underway. I think I may actually attend my classes this time around. Last quarter was quite the disappointment. In hindsight, I wish I had taken the quarter off. My classes were total BS and my head just wasn't in it. It doesn't help that I am questioning whether or not I should even be at PSU and if a degree in Social Sciences will be remotely helpful to my future endeavors. Whatever. I started taking classes when I was eighteen. I could care less if my degree is useful. If someone told me I could finish a degree in ant farming the fastest, than that is what I would do. I would enthusiastically earn a B.S. in Ant Farming just to say I finished my stupid Bachelors Degree. Its been a freaking decade. I just need to finish what I started! Ant Farming? Social Sciences? Irrelevant.

This quarter I am enrolled in Human Sexuality, Consumer Health Issues, and Adolescent Psychology. My Human Sexuality class is proving to be quite the riot. I'm guessing it will be the topic of many blogs in the next few weeks... This may be the one time that I'll be able to appreciate the egotistical and absurd remarks of my classmates... I realize its warped, but somehow stupid comments about sex are more entertaining than stupid comments about anything else.

Just as an example... First day of class. Good old Professor Tinker is chatting about a possible field trip to a swingers club in Portland. He asks if anyone in the class would object to the trip for any reason. One hand goes up. I look at the girl and can't help but roll my eyes. Before she even opens her mouth I've already decided that I hate her. Thats mean and bitchy, I get that. " Um, actually I would object. I just don't think my boyfriend would approve of that". My first thought is this. Of course he wouldn't approve. He has you under his thumb so that HE can go do whatever he wants whenever he wants without having to worry about you returning the favor. I mean seriously? What kind of a woman announces to an entire lecture hall that she is her boyfriends property? I wanted to bitch slap her. No field trip to the swingers club because pruddish patrica's boyfriend might cry. Personally, I'm not heart broken. I mean it would have been interesting for sure, but I can't say that I have any strong feelings about swingers clubs one way or another. The point is this. Its not like we were going to show up at the club as a class on a Saturday night at 11pm and tour the place with a cocktail in hand losing half the class along the way! It would have been during class time, during the day! Don't sign up for human sexuality if you can't handle it! Play hard or go home! End Rant.

Ok. Places to go. People to meet. An entire box of Macaroni and Cheese to run off... Don't Judge.

Away I go to San Diego!

2010-03-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

Current Mood - Chipper

Listening to - More to Luv By Minnutes

Typical Sunday scene over here on NW Johnson Street. Chillin on the couch with my cat and my coffee listening to some tunes. Yesterday at this time I was sipping my coffee with Damien on the beach in San Diego but hey, not every day can be so amazing :)

I left Cannon Beach on Tuesday morning feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed despite the windy and dreary coastal weather and the sore throat and sniffles I had procured from the hours spent sitting in the cold sand, breathing in the damp air all day Monday. I should mention that I thoroughly enjoy correcting people when they say they got sick from the cold. "You don't get sick from being cold idiot. You get sick from germs". I can't tell you how many times these words have gone through my head as some bone head describes the conditions under which they fell ill. My guess is that I met some germs recently and my body gave up trying to fight them after hours of shivering on the beach. Look people. I never claimed to be a rocket scientist.

View from my room in Cannon Beach

Armed with a giant cup of coffee and a new found calm I sang my heart out the whole way back to Portland. I cruised into Portland feeling like a new woman. Cool, calm, and collected. I circled the city streets of Northwest still humming my tunes as I looked for a parking spot... Twenty minutes later I was ready to wing my cd out the window of my cr-v before driving off the Broadway Bridge because somehow sinking my car in the Willamette River seemed easier at that point than finding a parking space in the busy crowded streets of Nob Hill.

I took a deep breath. My mission was clear. Give it a listen. Of course put my head on Pink's body as you do so.

As I turned the corner of Johnson street for the trillionth time I saw light. A clearing in the midst of the chaos. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na! SO WHAT! I'M STILL A ROCK STAR! I GOT MY ROCK MOVES! AND I DON'T NEED YOU! I belted it out and slammed on the gas. Today was my day. I pulled up along side the black BMW, put my little Honda CR-V in reverse and made parallel parking my bitch. I envisioned the old grouch who gave me my driving test years ago sitting next to me as I executed the perfect parallel parking job. I screamed the lyrics of So What to him as I gracefully backed into parking spot perfection. He angrily wrote on his clip board, clearly irritated by the blaring of Pink but he was forced to pass me. There was a parade and cheering for me on the streets when I got out of my car. Every stranger I passed threw me a high five (in slow motion of course). It was glorious. Glorious I tell you.

Unfortunately once I made it through the celebration on the street I quickly plummeted into a pathetic state of exhaustion. The sore throat. The sniffles. The fatigue. It all hit me like a mack truck. Enter Chris Sears armed with soup (vegetarian barley, god love him) and movies. Like a true friend he let me feel sorry for myself and my sniffles for a few hours before dragging my busted ass to the local dive bar for a therapeutic hot toddy. One therapeutic hot toddy turned into three, followed by a microbrew and a shot of tequila... Like a true alcoholic I woke Wednesday morning feeling like a million bucks and raring to go to San Diego! Little did I know my new found cool, calm, and collected was about to go out the window.

As I stood in the security line at PDX I gave myself a little pat on the back for being so low maintenance and not checking a bag for my two day trip. I am an over packer to the core so it was no easy feat leaving out all of the "what if" items that I so desperately wanted to include in my little purple suitcase! Alas, I settled for the bare minimum feeling travel savvy and thrifty for dodging the $25 fee to check a bag as well as the free for all at baggage claim upon arrival.

Unfortunately things did not go as planned. As I approached security I began the ritual... Kicked off my purple chucks, pulled out my lap top, and pushed my belongings through the x ray. As I tied my shoes back up and put my lap top away I was impressed with how perfect my timing had been. I was through security with about twenty five minutes to spare until boarding. Purple chucks. Check. Lap top. Check. Little purple suit case? Shit.

Homely lady who gets off on ruining attractive peoples day -"Is this your suit case Ma'am? We're going to have to search it".

Me - "*sigh* Yes, thats mine. Go right ahead"
Sure. I'll take one for the team for our so called "security".

Homely lady who gets off on ruining attractive peoples day - "Ma'am you have a gallon zip lock bag filled with toiletries. You're only aloud a quart size bag".

Me - "Ooooook. They are all 3oz... How about we squeeze everything into a smaller bag?"

Homely lady who gets off on ruining attractive peoples day - "Ma'am we can't do that. You also have a make up bag and I see you have some powders and creams in there as well"

Yeah, you should try some powder and cream yourself. A little anti wrinkle cream and some mascara and you might get laid and stop making other people so miserable. Unfortunately I had to behave like a grown up so I nodded and said "Fine. Can I just check my bag?"

Homely lady who gets off on ruining attractive peoples day - "Yes, Ma'am. I'll walk you back to the gate and you can go check your bag".

Me- "I have to go back to US Airways? My flight leaves in 15 minutes, I'm never going to make it"

Ugly bitch who gets off on ruining attractive peoples day - "Then I guess you'd better run".

*sigh* At this point I was ready to go all east coast and throw an all out hissy fit in the middle of airport security but instead, I listened to the ugly bitch and ran because I really wanted to to to San Diego...

After eating the $25 to check my tiny ill packed suit case I made my way back up to security with about seven minutes to spare. I get to the front of the line... again...

Fat lady who wants to touch a skinny person - "Ma'am I'm going to have to pat you down. Please put your arms out"

*sigh* Is this some kind of sick joke? SERIOUSLY? Do I REALLY look like that much of a threat to national security in my pearls, gap cardigan and purple chucks? I shook my head in complete and utter disbelief and shed all dignity as fatty bobolatty gave me the pat down... meanwhile Osama freaking Bin Laden could be cruising through the line but hey what do I know? Perhaps I was the picture of terror that day. I don't know. If so, I commend the sharp and skilled employees of Portland International Airport on their thoroughness and attention to detail. Without their experience and expertise a perfectly harmless nanny would have boarded her plane on time.

As I pulled myself and my belongings together for the second time I heard the last boarding call for my flight over the loud speaker. After saying every curse word I know in my head I made my way to my gate in hopes of getting another flight out that night. To my surprise, by the grace of god, they hadn't left yet! I was the last person on the plane. I happily took my middle seat between a three hundred pound man and a guy who clearly hadn't showered in a week.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I stepped off the plane in Phoenix airport. My bladder was about to explode and I was starving but I made it. I thankfully had an hour to regroup before boarding my flight to San Diego. I went to the bathroom and doddled around the airport debating whether I should officially start vacation and grab a beer at the airport bar. As I contemplated this decision I heard last call for San Diego over the loud speaker. Huh. Thats funny. Two flights going out to San Diego. I wonder why I didn't book that flight. I continued walking.

A minute later as I was texting my dad to let him know I'd made it safely to Phoenix I had my dumb bitch epiphany. I stopped dead in my tracks and started running, again, saying every cuss word I knew along the way. Clearly my recent excursions have killed a few brain cells... otherwise I would have realized that Phoenix is an hour ahead of Portland. Nope, instead like the busted ass mess that I am, I'm fiddling around the airport searching for booze as my flight to San Diego is calling final boarding. Miraculously enough, I was the last person on the plane... again. I have issues. I need help. People as retard as me do not deserve to make their plane to San Diego but somehow by the grace of god I did.

Things that Baffle Me

2010-02-09T09:26:00.000-08:00

Current Mood - Contemplative

Listening to - What About Everything? By Carbon Leaf

Its happening. The birthday blues are setting in. Let me preface this "entry" by admitting that I am well aware that I am a neurotic self involved freak of nature. I mean seriously? Who spends this much time thinking about themselves? There is disaster, disease, and famine all over the world and I'm sitting here all poor me and my quarter life crisis. I'm a bitch. I totally get that.

I'm turning twenty eight on Wednesday. I am blogging now because I'm planning on being too cranky to construct anything intelligent that day. It truly has nothing to do with age. Twenty eight is a good place to be. I really haven't reached an age in my life that I would want to revert back to. Every year has undoubtedly gotten better. I have gotten better. I know who I am and I don't think anyone can ask for much more than that.

I am a girl who finds pleasure in the simple things. I feel alive when I am moving. I am innately happy. Music is my boyfriend. I rarely cry. Seeing the ocean soothes my soul. I think olives are the most disgusting food in the world. The only person I trust is myself. Children warm my heart. Books are my greatest escape. I like being alone. I think calla lilies are more romantic than roses. I desperately want to see the world. I think too much. I have no idea where my life is going and I'm ok with that.

I am quite certain that my birthday blues originate from the same place as the new years eve angst. It is that sappy part of me that insists on showing its ugly head twice a year. No one can understand it. I don't even understand it! What I wouldn't give to want to get drunk for free in celebration of my own existence. Nope... I would rather go spelunking in my apartment alone with my cat, Ryan Adams, and a bottle of organic red wine while contemplating my existence. FREAK. OF. NATURE. I don't deny it. Its who I am.

On the bright side, it will be over soon and with any luck I can go back to being my perky Mary Poppins self.

In other news... I have discovered a new hobby. My life is already very full, so it was a stretch to squeeze it in, but it has brought me so much joy that I have made a point of penciling it in each day.

As I now have a rental car so that I can pick Tejal up from preschool, I've been driving to and from work instead of taking the bus. It seems to me that a weeks pay should at least guarantee a cd player but Enterprise is classy like that and I have been driving a stripped down power nothing no bells and whistles Aveo around town. This has forced me to set my beloved ipod aside and sample Portland radio. There are so many things I love about Portland... the radio is not one of them which brings me to my new hobby.

The only thing I really like about driving is being able to listen to music and belt out the lyrics of my favorite songs (oddly enough this doesn't go over well on the bus...) Day one of driving to work I hopped in my pitiful little aveo and turned on the radio. I gave up on trying to find a good station before I ever made it out of NW Portland and opted to listen to the only station programmed in my little overpriced death trap.

107.5.

I now spend my mornings and evenings blaring this station just to get a good laugh. It is priceless. It is actually a little baffling considering that there are people out there living luxurious lives because they were able to make up stupid misogynistic quasi sexual crap to a catchy beat. I mean seriously, I'm thinking I may be a tad too ambitious.

Here are some of my favorite lyrics to date

"Take my order cuz your body like a carry out"
"I have you open all night like you IHop"

Its true people... There is an entire song on 107.5 comparing a women to a fast food chain. Is anyone else troubled by this? I laughed until I cried the first time I heard this heartfelt display of affection for another female but just to be clear, I do not take orders for carry out and this ihop closes at 10pm so you'll have to get your pancakes else where.

Here is another favorite...

"She got an ass that will swallow up a g string"

Dear god... What does that even mean? Quite frankly my first inkling would be to stop singing and call a gastroenterologist! Call me crazy but the thought of my ass swallowing up anything just doesn't seem healthy or remotely sexy. I'm not a doctor but I'm fairly certain that misplacing anything in the ass is a medical emergency, not a song.

*sigh* My car is due to arrive in Portland next Thursday. I haven't decided if I will stay committed to my new hobby after that... I'm thinking I'll keep it in my back pocket for rainy days.

Now if you'll excuse me I am going to go running until my body hurts so badly that I cannot think a constructive thought about my imminent coming of age.

The Tale of the Missing Pants and the Subsequent Unraveling of a Girl

2010-01-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

Since the Al Green incident my life has been as close to mundane as it has been in a long time. I'm not complaining. I have been attending classes (even on time occasionally), going to work, spending time with friends, and even running somewhat regularly again. Life has been smooth sailing.

Enter Mr X.

Obviously.

This is what men do to your life. They turn it upside and spin things around so that you don't know if you're coming or going. Up until Saturday I have been able to take Mr X's quirks in strides.

Yes, he is late for everything (which seems to be rubbing off on me...)

Yes, he is less than perky in the morning (I live for the early morn...)

Yes, he drinks Folgers Coffee (This was almost a deal breaker...)

Yes, he is obsessed with Purell (My nanny motto is "A little dirt never hurt")

Yes, he is a professional athlete (I envisioned myself with a jcrew wearing, music loving, guitar playing, do gooder, book nerd)

Yes, he sleeps in an altitude tent at 12,000 every night (I barely survived the altitude at Lake Tahoe...)

Yes, his one true love is his iphone (I admittedly would like to toss it into the pacific...)

Yes, he is quite possibly skinnier than me (which sort of shatters my psyche...)

BUT, he does have some redeeming qualities and as I said, I have been able to take the quirks in strides. That is... until last Saturday.

Last Saturday I accompanied Mr X to a celebratory dinner for one of his teammates. I was initially perplexed as I am obviously not one of the team but later learned that significant others were to be included in the evenings festivities. I hadn't previously considered myself a "significant other" per se but I suppose there could be worse labels. Mr X is anti labels which I find truly ground breaking. Surprise surprise... A resident of planet penis who doesn't like labels? Earth shattering I tell you! Truly ground breaking. Luckily for Mr X I don't feel strongly about being labeled as someone else's property. Quite frankly I have serious doubts about monogamy and "relationships" in general. Regardless, significant other" is a hilarious way to refer to another human being...

According to dictionary.com (my home page) a significant other is:

–noun
1. Sociology. a person, as a parent or peer, who has great influence on one's behavior and self-esteem.
2. a spouse or cohabiting lover.

I would like to think that I have been influential in the life of Mr X and many others, so sure! I suppose I am a significant other and therefore invited to the team dinner. That was totally off track but worth clarifying in my opinion.

Moving right along. Saturday. Team dinner.

I accompanied Mr X to dinner. After minimal harassment for being a vegetarian, and quite a few alcoholic beverages I opted to retire for the evening at his place. I am against drunken street car riding.

Fast forward to the next morning.

I open my eyes (possibly still drunk) and see Mr X shuffling around. I close my eyes again. Sucks to be him. Practice on a Sunday morning after a late night out. Ouch. I opt not to say anything and pretend to still be sleeping.

Fast forward a couple of hours.

I would say I finally rolled out of bed but that would be a lie and I'm all about the truth. I did not roll out of the bed. I ~~stumbled~~ climbed out of the tent and zipped it back up behind me because god forbid the altitude fall to less than 10,000 feet. I made my way to the kitchen and did my best to make a decent cup of coffee with limited resources. Folgers and a french press. That is the equivalent of eating spam out of fine china in my opinion but thats not the point of this blog. I had brunch plans with my friend Lindsey early that afternoon so I took my dark colored drink that sort of resembled coffee and went to pull myself together.

Houston. We have a problem.

My jeans are not where I left them on the floor in my drunken stooper. In fact as far as I can tell they are not on the floor at all... or in the hamper... or on the dresser... or anywhere.

At this point I'm seriously considering skipping brunch altogether and checking myself into the nearest Betty Ford Clinic but I was hungry and desperate for a Lindsey fix so I continued the search for my lost pants. I searched every inch of the apartment before shredding all dignity and dialing Mr X in the middle of his work out.

Voicemail.
"Hey... its me. Uh... I have sort of a weird question for you... Not sure if you can possibly help me out, but... I sort of... uh... can't find my pants. If you have even an inkling as to where they may be, give me a call back"

I make another cup of Folgers and do another run through of the apartment. No pants. I go all psycho and dial Mr X again.

Voicemail.
Uh... hey, its me again... I still can't find my pants... I've looked everywhere... This is sort of mortifying so just call me when you get this. I have plans and no pants... "

I pace around the apartment and make another cup of folgers. The third cup of folgers did me in. I lost it. I begin pacing around huffing and puffing deciding with myself that Mr X is clearly playing a practical joke on me... I dial him a again.

Voicemail.
"SERIOUSLY?! I don't know if this is some kind of sick joke but FYI, I have a life and that life does not involve waiting around for you to get home and reveal the location of my pants! I have brunch plans and I'm not breaking them and I'm not wearing purple polka dot pajama pants so you've got ten minutes to call me back before I put on your jeans and high tail it outta here!"

And with that I I found myself faced with a very difficult decision. Lucky brand or Hollister? I went for the Hollisters only because they appeared just a tad smaller. I walked out of Mr X's apartment in the pouring down rain with no umbrella or coat wearing his jeans and made my way to SE Portland to meet Lindsey. I was frump girl, but I made it to brunch.

As I took my first sip of my much needed mimosa I heard my cell phone. I received a text that said "This is so awkward... walking around nike in womens jeans".

I think I may have discovered the latest and greatest sinus rinse. Mimosa snorted up your nose as a result of ill timing and uncontrollable laughter. It really does the trick. It is very cleansing indeed.

Yes it is true. Mr X got up early and in the darkness grabbed the wrong pair of jeans to change into after his work out. Left with nothing but muddy and sweaty spandex he was forced to don my MEK Denim triangle pocket boot cut jeans.

This is disturbing on so many levels. My 27 inch waist jeans apparently fit Mr X well enough for him to forgo the twenty minute drive back to his apartment to switch pants. He lounged in MY pants for the rest of the day while watching football with the guys. I guess I should be pleased that I know a man comfortable enough with his sexuality to endure the verbal abuse he took from all of his friends while lounging in womens jeans watching football... but still... I find it disturbing.

Lindsey and I laughed until we cried at the thought of Mr X rocking my jeans. I spent the rest of the day in his pants as it only seemed fair. Days later we finally exchanged pants. It was awkward... but we got through it :)

This could easily be the most absurd thing that has ever happened to me... Whenever I need a chuckle I conjure up this image...

Let there be no confusion... This is the ass of Mr X.

God help me.

Never a dull moment...

2010-01-10T18:39:00.000-08:00

Mood - Surprisingly Calm
Listening to - To be Young By Ryan Adams

As I sit here on this Sunday night with my cat and my glass of wine (laugh it up all) I can't help but wonder if I live an exceptionally entertaining life compared to most, or if I am exceptionally over dramatic... Either way my days have been as ridiculous as ever.

Let me set the stage for Thursdays traumatic event. It is the first week of the quarter at Portland State. I vowed after boycotting going to class last quarter that I was going to get myself together and make it to my 10am class on time.

WELL. It is very unfortunate for my 10am Cognition class that I find sitting around drinking coffee and taking obscenely long showers in the morning vital to harassing my chi...

My Cognition class is a lecture hall that seats about 100 students. One would think sneaking into a class like this a few minutes late would be a piece of cake. I did it many times last quarter without disturbing a soul. No such luck this quarter. The seats in this room are placed so close together that it is reminiscent of flying coach in the middle seat. All of the over achievers who get to class on time literally have to get up and exit their row to let us under achievers who show up at 10:02am in to find a seat.

This brings me to Thursday morning. I woke up at 7am with the best of intentions but inevitably time got away from me. Before I knew it, it was 9:40am. It takes exactly twenty minutes to get to Portland State by street car from my apartment. I booked it out the door cursing myself before I ever made it outside for wearing a skirt, and ran to the street car stop just in time to catch it. I was frazzled to say the least. Leaving the house in a hurry always leaves me with the feeling that I have forgotten something monumentally important. I rushed to my cognition class feeling bitter that there was no time to get one last hit of caffeine from Starbucks before delving into our lecture on brain anatomy that day. Upon arrival I quietly tip toed into the room. Surprise surprise. Not a single isle seat open. This would mean doing a quick scan of the room to try to find the people who would be the least pissed off about having to get up to let someone in...

I did what any girl would do. I tried to find people from planet penis who would perhaps appreciate female attention in any form. Sadly this tactic back fired. I found a row with two people from planet penis on the end. The penis on the isle shot me a death glare as he had to pause from shoving his McDonalds fruit and yogurt parfait down his throat to let me through. The penis next to him didn't crack so much as a smile when I gave him the sweet innocent I'm so sorry look. Mean while I can sense the professors irritation at the disruption. Little did he know that was only the beginning. I quickly and rather frantically tried to get situated as in the midst of my shuffling there was a rather deep discussion on the hippocampus going down. As I'm searching through my bag for a pen I suddenly hear music. Ha. What idiot forgot to turn the lame ringer on their cell phone off before class? Wait... thats pretty loud.

"I. I'm so in love with you... Whatever you want to do, is all right with meeeeeeeee. Cuz you make me feel so brand new!!!! I want to spend my life with you..."

The room goes silent. All anyone can hear are the musical stylings of Al Green.

It took me almost a full verse to realize that the music was coming from my ipod in my back pack (minus the headphones...) Up until this point I wasn't even aware that an ipod would play out loud without head phones. I guess we learn something new every day. In case there is any confusion, the new ipod nano does in fact play out loud (quite loud) in the absence of ear buds.

I'm pretty sure I said "Oh my god" out loud but I'm not certain. The ~~eternity~~ few seconds that it took me to locate my ipod in my messy book bag are still a bit of a blur. People were chuckling. All eyes on me. My professor paused before making a sad attempt to continue lecture in the midst of the soulful serenade going down. I can only hope that in a room of one hundred students that I can hide in the back the rest of the quarter and that Al Green and my crimson red face will soon be forgotten.*sigh*

That was Thursday. Friday had such potential. I had a great day at work. I was able to leave in plenty of time to get home and enjoy a hot shower before meeting Mr X for dinner at my favorite restaurant. I trudged home from the bus stop in the cold pouring down rain only finding comfort in the mirage of a steaming hot shower. I walked into my apartment stripping out of my wet clothes as I walked to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and walk out to grab a towel while the water heats up. When I returned to the bathroom I hear the awkward sound of water splashing... Never a good sign.

With hesitation, I pull the shower curtain aside and peak in the tub. My steamy hot haven had been transformed into a landfill while I was at work. My tub was filled with what I can only describe as dirt, hair, and cloudy water. I may have thrown up a little in my mouth. No lie. I stood staring rather perplexed. I had a few options. I could do the usual and call my dad or I could man up and stick my hand in the frightening abyss some refer to as a drain. I boycotted both options and decided to take a leap of faith. I called on planet penis. Perhaps Mr X possessed some plumbing skills that I was unaware of... I would have to call anyway as our dinner plans could not be executed with me looking like a wet rat in from the rain. I quickly debated whether three months was an adequate amount of time to be dating before making a damsel in distress phone call. I took another look in the tub, swallowed my vomit, and dialed Mr X. He didn't answer. Typical planet penis.

I dialed my dad.
Ring. Ring.

Dad - "yeah Lor"
Me - "I have a problem"
Dad - "Whats going on?"

I should preface by saying that after the spider incident my problems are rarely taken seriously by my parents.

Me - "My tub looks like someone threw up in it"
Dad - "Oh."
Me - "Yeah, its vomiticious. I turned the water on, came back and found my tub filled with dirt and some other gunk... Its so gross. Help..."
Dad - "Sounds like the drain is clogged".
Me - (silently) THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
Dad - "Do you have any drano"?
Me - Laughing. "Do you remember who you're talking to?"

Needless to say this conversation got me no where. To say that I was irritated would be the understatement of the year.

Seriously? My shower drain is blithely unaware that in the first few months of a relationship clean hair and smooth skin are still necessities. I understand this. Why does my shower drain not understand this? Stupid thing was probably manufactured on planet penis. CLEARLY the drain doesn't realize that in a new relationship I am a goddess who always has perfect hair and perfect skin and looks effortlessly fabulous all the time. It is virtually impossible to perpetuate this lie without a working shower...

In the end, I couldn't bring myself to stick my hand down the dark and unknown drain for fear of what I may find. I tried dialing my landlord but to my dismay I could not reach him.

I decided to open a bottle of wine...

Mr X finally called back just as the light weight was feeling the effects of a glass of wine on an empty stomach. Unfortunately I have to report that he does not possess any hidden plumbing talents. He was however kind enough to listen to me dramatically recount my misfortune, and offer up his shower.

And so, on Friday night Mr X caught his first glimpse of the real, less than perfect me. Messy hair. Mismatched sweats and ugg boots. Frazzled and admittedly half lit by the time he picked me up. He didn't seem to mind or even notice for that matter, but it was an ice breaker for me. I think it was significant.

There is something about that first time you are caught out of your comfort zone. The first time you aren't completely in control of a situation. The first time a boy sees you without your make up on or smells your less than minty morning breath. The first time you have a bad day and can't muster up a perky mood. Bit by bit, piece by piece walls come down and your left with a person, imperfect but real for better or worse.

Dating can often feel like a constant endeavor to maintain an unrealistic facade of faultlessness. Letting go of that facade can be frightening. It forces you to evaluate what really exists beyond attraction and witty date conversation.

Mr X saw me looking like a hot mess and didn't go running for the hills. In return I have overlooked his constant tardiness as well as his reckless contribution to the spawn of super bugs with his incessant use of Purell hand sanitizer. I think there could be real potential here! :)

On that note brain anatomy calls, but fear not! My awkward encounters seem to be never ending. More rambling and ranting to come :)

Dating again???

2010-01-03T19:55:00.000-08:00

Mood - Thoughtful
Listening to - Stars by The XX

Dare I devote a blog to this title?

It is no secret that I swore off men long ago. After much confusion, heart ache and sheer frustration I came to the very simple epiphany that there are two planets. Venus and Penis. I have often wondered if from an evolutionary stand point, intermingling with the creatures of planet penis truly enhances survival. I'm fairly certain that the human race could survive off of sperm donations delivered via rocket ship from planet penis and we would live in an uncomplicated, peaceful world. In short, I may or may not have come to the slightly bitter conclusion that with the advent of in vitro fertilization, the seemingly impossible relationships between the inhabitants of planet venus and planet penis could ultimately be phased out.

Enter Mr X.

Actually, enter note under my apartment door the day I moved to Northwest Portland. In hindsight, I wish I'd saved it. I easily could have missed it in the shuffle of moving but it caught my eye. It was just a small piece of paper from the previous tenant asking me to give him a call if I received any of his mail so that he could arrange to pick it up. I shoved the letter aside and continued with the daunting task of getting my apartment and my life in order.

A couple of weeks went by. I'm not really sure why I dialed his number, but I did. Voicemail. I introduced myself, and let him know that he hadn't received any mail. He called me back. Voicemail. He thanked me for taking the time to call. He sounded nice. I called him back. He called me back. Voicemail. Voicemail. Voicemail. We resorted to texting (not that phone tag wasn't enjoyable). As it turns out he is my age. As he it turns out he still lives in the neighborhood. He offered to show me around, introduce to me to some people. Phone tag came to an end and after a couple of lively conversations that felt as if we'd known each other for years, we made plans to meet up.

Why not? He had to have a background check to have lived in this apartment after all. I really didn't know anyone in the neighborhood and you can never have too many friends. We decided to meet for a drink on a Tuesday night. As I walked to our meeting place I gave myself the lecture my mother surely would have given me if she were here. I said a little prayer that he wasn't a serial killer and walked up to the restaurant. We sat down and ordered a drink at 5:30pm. When I looked at the clock again it was almost midnight. This is how Mr X entered my life.

A couple of months have gone by. Mr X and I are still friends. Ok, we're friends who kiss some times. Ok, fine. We're more than friends I guess. Some may classify our interactions as those of two people who are dating or dare I say in a relationship? I could twiddle my thumbs all day trying to come up with the perfect label for two people who have been enjoying each others company for approximately two months but sadly I have a life and no time to ruminate over what exactly this may be.

And with that, in the most unexpected and uninvited way I am back. Back in that blissful and abominable world of romance (if that even exists anymore). A lot of people would have thrown that note away... For better or for worse I am a person who takes chances.

From this blog forward I will affectionately refer to the author of that note as Mr X. He knows who he is and perhaps those near and dear to me do as well. As Mr X finds himself in the public eye from time to time, his identity on my blog will remain anonymous.

Stay tuned.

2009

2009-12-31T12:23:00.000-08:00

Current Mood - Nostalgic
Listening to - Blue Mind by Alexi Murdoch

To those who know me well it will come as no surprise that I have opted to lock myself in my apartment with my ipod today to listen to depressing music while unscientifically analyzing the past year. I'm fairly certain that new years eve is for me, the equivalent of awaiting a root canal for anyone else.

I feel that in order to find meaning and purpose in life, we must reflect on the past. Being the ~~sappy~~ sentimental person that I am, I often find time to ponder where I have been and where I am going. When I feel lost, I walk down memory lane and I am usually able to find my way back. On an ordinary day I'll have a short lived wave of nostalgia before finding my center again. New years eve(and my birthday) tend to be a bit more traumatic for me. These days literally demand the assessment of ones place and progress in the world which ultimately leads to the unraveling of my fragile psyche...

Highlights of 2009. I brought in the new year with Matt. I was sad, (par for the course for new years eve) and home before midnight because lets face it, new years eve is overrated. February to May are a complete blur. Tejal's little sister Uma was born on June 17th. I spent the month of July back east. When I came back to Portland Matt and I agreed that our relationship would be best continued as friends. I started looking for apartments in August. I decided to go back to school and started classes full time at Portland State in September. I moved out on my own in in October. The holidays came and went and here I am. This tiny paragraph hardly seems long enough to encompass a years worth of events but I could never put into words what this year has meant for me. At twenty five I was fairly certain that I was all grown up. That couldn't be further from the truth. Growing up is more than breaking away from your parents. It is more than being old enough to vote, drink, or rent a car. It is more than working and paying bills and buying things. It is more than a number.

Growing up is accepting the things you cannot change. It is learning to love people for who they are and recognizing that the only person you have the control to change is yourself. It is the ability to adjust your expectations and to embrace change even when it is uninvited. It is finding those parts of yourself you never knew. It is not letting anyone tell you how to live your life and trusting in yourself. 2009, age 27 was my growing up year. If it wasn't, then god help me!

I think I put more into reflection because compared to other people my age I didn't take the so called "right track". Call it middle child syndrome. Call it irresponsible. Call it whatever you want. I call it living by my own standards, not those set by a society full of people who hate their jobs, are buried in debt and in loveless marriages. At times it can be conflicting to see my peers settled, finishing their masters degrees, engaged/married, homeowners and starting families. I commend those who possess these things and are truly happy. I'm sure in due time I too will get to all of these things, but today I am pleased that I went down a different road first. I may end up an old lady with a bunch of cats... but at least I found my own way in life and never settled. I like to think I took the road less traveled.

So there is 2009. In addition to growing up a bit I learned some other very important life lessons this year.

1) The 4th micro brew is NEVER worth it.
2) It is worth it to carry an umbrella at all times.
3) Everyone has their own agenda.
4) green onions are not round... (pathetic I know)
5) Your parents don't know everything.

With that said I will end this rant. Tomorrow is a new day and a new year for better or for worse. I hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!

Home for the Holidays

2009-12-24T16:02:00.001-08:00

Home for the holidays... It has such a nice ring to it. Entire Christmas songs are devoted to this warm and fuzzy phrase. As you may have guessed my home for the holidays song does not evoke such feelings. No where in that stupid song does it mention freak weather occurrences, flight delays, cancellations or hellish airports. I'm thinking a congratulations to myself is in order for making if back east in one piece after one failed attempt and an entire night of travel followed by four hellish hours spent twiddling my thumbs at Newark New Jersey. Anyone who has fond feelings toward New Jersey should skip the next paragraph.

Attention flight attendants. Prepare for landing. We'll be touching down in Newark New Jersey in approximately 10 minutes. I think the honest thing to say over the loud speaker of the plane would be attention passengers. We will be landing in the fiery depths of hell in approximately ten minutes. Your oxygen masks will fall shorty. Remember to secure your own mask before assisting others. Breathe normally into the mask until you leave the state of New Jersey. Landing in New Jersey is like landing on another planet. A passport should be required to enter this "coasty" filled frenzy of self absorbed robots with cell phones super glued to their ears. The least they could do is provide a map upon arrival. I had no such luck. The signs are few and far between and point in directions where doors and entry ways don't exist. Really? Ground transportation to terminal A is that way? Funny... All I see is a wall. I seriously contemplated the existence of secret passageways... I'm convinced that the aliens placed hidden cameras all over the airport so that they could sit in a secret room and laugh at all of the poor unsuspecting earthlings wandering back and forth trying to make sense of the mazes they call terminals. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of visiting this alternate universe I must warn that the aliens aren't very friendly. As I said, the men and woman have cellular devices attached to their ears at all times. They are very skilled at conversing at obnoxious decibels while carting luggage and shoving unsuspecting victims. Multi tasking at its best. Ugg boots, over priced, over sized purses and bleach blond hair with half inch regrowth is a prerequisite for all female aliens. It is always perplexing to me how one can afford to carry a $900 handbag but can't afford to get her roots filled in... Beware of the men. The more expensive the polo and shoes, the more important he is. Naturally if you are the most important person in the world you can't be bothered with little nuances such as saying excuse me when you bump into or cut in front of someone or putting down your phone while you order your cup of coffee. Jersey men are VIP. Flight delays due to weather and mechanical issues do not apply to you if you are a male resident of the state of New Jersey. Airline workers should gain competence at working miracles to accommodate the charming men of New Jersey at all times. The little child aliens are lost in the shuffle and doomed to becoming tacky New Yorker wannabes... I actually witnessed two young children eating ice cream cones at 9am because their parents clearly didn't feel like dealing with the ramifications of telling their little monster masterpieces no... Speaking of ice cream, there are only two food choices for the inhabitants of the depths of hell. 1. Artery clogging cancer/coma inducing lard or prepackaged goodness with mystery ingredients and a five year shelf life. By the grace of God, I managed to escape planet Jersey. I know not everyone was so lucky... There are probably still people wandering around terminal C trying to figure out how the hell to escape not to mention the poor suckers held prisoner due to delays and cancellations. Gods speed to them... End Rant.

Other than the foot of snow on the ground, Westminster Maryland is no different than I left it. Thanks to that foot of snow that fell on the exact day of my departure, I am here three days later than my original itinerary. Needless to say this has put a bit of a damper on all of my plans. I now have just a few days to get my fill of my friends, family and little people. I can't believe it has been over five months since my last visit. I swore I would never be the person who only made it home twice a year!

It is 11:57pm on Christmas eve. Lots of thoughts going through my head... It is good to be home but each time I come back I feel more certain that Portland is where I belong. I can't pin point when or how but Portland became my home and Maryland became a place I visit. Little things change the longer you are gone. The grocery store that my parents have always shopped at reorganized everything. I was completely lost! There is a new traffic light in my development that I have to remind myself of every time I leave the neighborhood. Our little town is invaded by a new bank or store every time I come into town. Today I felt like an outsider in the place I called home for over fifteen years. It is a very strange feeling.

Maybe my winter nostalgia is kicking in... My two most dreaded occasions are quickly approaching. New Years and my birthday. I'm not sure which is worse, I hate them both. As it is now officially Christmas I will save that rant for another day. I wish anyone with nothing better to do than read my blog on Christmas eve a very Merry Christmas! :)

Typical...

2009-12-13T08:55:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up warm and cozy in my bed fully rested, rejuvenated, and ready to take on the world. What can I say? Life has been good lately. Too good...

I admit we jumped into things kind of quickly. It was hard not to. He was no average Joe. He was a shining beacon of hope in my dark and befuddled world. When you know, you just know. Everything was blissful. Par for the course for a new relationship. We couldn't get enough of each other. Even when we weren't together I'd catch myself thinking about him. For two months we were inseparable, blithely absorbed in one another...

This morning all of that changed. We woke up together like any other morning. I greeted him affectionately. He knew what I wanted... what I always want in the morning... He has been meeting my needs like clockwork for the past few weeks. I had no reason to expect anything less today but alas, things took an unexpected turn. I know I turned him on, thats not the question. I gave him all of the attention I would on any other day but apparently today that just wasn't enough. Perhaps the chilly weather has taken its toll on him. Maybe I've just been asking too much and he's under too much pressure. He had to have been embarrassed. I blamed myself, retracing my steps, wondering if I'd made a mistake. It would be torturous to ponder all of the reasons for this kind of dysfunction. For reasons unknown, this morning my beloved Breville could not perform. It was devastating to say the least. *sigh* MEN.

My ~~four cups of coffee~~ morning cup of coffee sets the tone for my entire day. A morning without coffee for me is the equivalent of a tweeker desperately seeking their next methadone fix. Its all Mary Poppins until you subtract the caffeine from the equation. I'm not proud of it, but its who I am. Needless to say I suffered a minor coronary when my $250 coffee maker bitched out on me first thing on what would have been an amazing Sunday morning. In fact, right now I would have been drinking my coffee and blogging about how I am not a cynic in response to everyone who read my last blog. It would have been happy go lucky positive patty all the way. Unfortunately I'm going to have to hang on to the cynic title until my next blog because Mr Breville reinforced my knowledge of men this morning. Unreliable. Fickle. Tempermental. I could go on. If I didn't know any better I'd think that coffee brewer was making coffee for someone else all night and had nothing left for me in the morning. Perhaps I'll rename him Tiger.

I wish I could say I took control of the situation, took the whole machine apart, and resolved the issue on my own. Unfortunately I was dealing with tremors, sweating, and chills from caffeine withdraw and called in for reserves. Thank god my best friend happens to be an engineer. Out of sheer desperation I was willing to overlook the fact that in addition to being an engineer by profession, he is also a man.

8am. Ring. Ring.
Voicemail.

8:02am. Ring. Ring.
Matt - Groggy. "Hello?"

Me- "Houston... we have a problem."

Matt- "What Bean?" (Bean has been my nickname since babyhood)

Me- "You have to get over here... RIGHT NOW."

Matt- "I'm still in bed, whats wrong?"

Me- "Its Breville..."

Matt- "huh?"

Me- "Its Breville! I think its serious! He's not working!!! He cut me off! He won't make coffee. I can't handle this. Seriously, I need you. You've got to come over here right now. HURRY!"

Matt- "Alright. Calm down. Walk me through it."

Me- "Ok, I turned it on. I let it heat up. I put the coffee in, hit brew, and ooooohhhh NOTHING. I tried unplugging it and starting over. Its a no go. I'm freaking the **** out. Seriously, you've got to come over and fix it."

Matt- "Arrrggggggghhh... Alright... See you in a few. You are so making me breakfast."

After a traumatic and nerve wracking morning I am happy to report that Breville is back. I stood in the other room nervously while Matt took him apart, examined all of his parts, and put him back together. Engineer saves the day.

Breville and I lived happily ever after, for now anyway...

Daily dose of Reality...

2009-12-03T09:20:00.000-08:00

My day begins with my cat walking all over me. The sound of her purring in my ear is always followed by a scratchy tongue licking my face until I surrender to the morning light. By the way, when I say morning light that is strictly metaphoric because there is no morning light or any light for that matter in my tiny one bedroom apartment. Once Matilda's scratchy tongue has completed my daily microdermabrasion treatment I roll out of bed and make my way to my beloved Breville for the only thing that will make me feel better about the fact that I am freezing and not quite awake. Cup of coffee in hand I make my way to the couch and click on the TV for my daily dose of reality. This daily dose of reality will be the topic of this rant.

I'm curled up on the couch this morning with my cup of coffee rather pleased that I can relax for a bit when I turn on the news. The first segment on the Today Show is on children's Christmas gift idea's. I'm thinking fabulous! I have lots of little people in my life to shop for, lets see whats happening. Having viewed this segment I feel that I can tell you what is happening with a fair amount of accuracy. We are raising a spoiled tech savvy generation of robots who's problem solving skills and creativity will max out at pointing and clicking. I suppose we are teaching children at a young age to function in the society we have created. Busy busy. Stay in the loop. Check your email every fifteen minutes to make sure you didn't miss anything of the utmost importance in the last fourteen minutes. If you want to see the outdoors go to google images. I could go on but the point I guess I am trying to make is that for everything we get, we are giving something else up. Every bit of time spent playing a computer game, using a highly realistic "toy" cell phone or manipulating a light up rubix cube that gives clues (yes, I'm serious... god forbid a child get stuck and have to think a little harder), kids are missing out on thinking for themselves... Forgive me, but it is my opinion that it is invaluable for kids to be bored sometimes! This is when they use their imagination! This is when pillows and blankets turn into a tent to go camping in the living room. This is when imaginary games are made up and a world outside of cause and effect comes to life. The structured environment that parents, caregivers and teachers are creating for their children is frightening to me. Four year olds are being sent to school practically all day. Recess is slowly being phased out in schools to ensure that children can pass standardized tests... Wow. What fun! We'll have an entire society of little robots who can all give the correct answers to the same questions on the same tests. Forget art, music, athletics and any type of problem solving...
We are not doing children any favors by entertaining them 24/7 and providing them with toys that do their thinking for them. This is a topic I could rant on for the rest of the day so to conclude, and be clear let me just say that if I am ever a parent, outdoor, independent, and imaginary play will be implemented. Children should be able to think for themselves, encounter a problem and know how to think about it, and learn from trial and error. They should be able to think abstractly and outside of the box. I'm all for ABC's and 123's. Traditional education is obviously of the utmost importance. What would I do if I couldn't escape into a book? I'm just hoping that there is a mind creative enough to write a book twenty years from now!

Next thing on the news. Next Rant (I promise I'm finished after this).
Monogamy. Is it extinct? Sex is everywhere. Divorce is commonplace. Is marriage on its way out?

Dear Tiger Woods,

You suck. Get over yourself. You have a beautiful wife and child and a dream come true career. Congratulations on making an ass of yourself and the sanctity of marriage for the sake of seeing if you've still got it. Hopefully that exciting ego stroking affair was worth the lesson you taught your child and the rest of the world watching you. I won't even mention the pain and public humiliation you inflicted on your wife because you obviously didn't care about her to begin with if you were banging a cocktail waitress in your spare time. It is a sad sad world when you have to renegotiate your prenup and offer your estranged wife money not to leave your sorry ass.

Sincerely,
The Cat Lady

When I was twelve I was certain that I would be married at twenty three and a parent by twenty five. I never thought past that. When you are a twelve year old girl in suburbia that is the be all and end all. Forget education, self discovery and personal ambitions outside of motherhood. I was certain at twelve that I would get married and have a baby and live happily ever after. I never thought about anything past that and I certainly never considered an alternate path. Does any twelve year old? Maybe they do. I wasn't a very sophisticated twelve year old.

At twenty seven, soon to be twenty eight I chuckle at how innocent I was. With quite a few failed relationships under my belt and a society buzzing with adultery I can't help but wonder if marriage is as primitive as my twelve year old expectations. Sometimes I wonder what purpose marriage serves. If people are going to cheat and divorce anyway, what is the point? I mean, save yourself the twenty grand that you dropped on your extravagant wedding (I read that $20,000 is the average price of a wedding today) and fly to Bali to do some soul searching when it all falls apart in ten years.

I think the greater problem is the expectations our society places on young people to comply with age norms that are no longer relevant with the development of fertility drugs, invitro and medical advances keeping us healthy and thriving longer. Of course our parents and grandparents got married in their early/mid twenties. The biological clock started ticking at twenty nine! This just isn't the case anymore but a lot of people still live their lives as if it is. Its like a little alarm goes off one morning at twenty five. "Oh shit! I'd better get married". The next doofus you see at the bar is your "soul mate". I cringe thinking about what my life would look like right now had I settled on one of my previous relationships, not because they were bad people, but because they just weren't right long term. I never would have moved across the country. I would have missed so many of the experiences that shaped me into the person I am today. Life is ever changing and so are people. Marriages deteriorate because people change and they don't always change together. Is it fair to fault people for that? How is life fulfilling if you become stagnant? How can you be happy with another person if you have let yourself go?

I have often wondered what would happen if marriage didn't exist. What if we went through life accepting that we change every decade and that the person who was perfect for us in our twenties may not be in our forties? Maybe I'm too young and stupid to realize that the changes that take place in your twenties eventually slow down and level out but I hope that never happens to me. I hope I continue to learn, grow, and evolve. I hope I never reach a point in my life where I've reached all of my goals and need an affair to spice things up.

With all of this said, it feels necessary to assert that I am not a cynic! I do believe in love. I do believe that relationships can last. I guess my greater belief is that no one should enter this commitment until they really know who they are and what they want from life. Furthermore, I think it is of monumental importance to find a partner who values personal growth and change. Otherwise you turn into two really boring old people who bicker about everything and nothing. This whole soul mate fairy tale notion has to go. We are doing our children a severe injustice and perpetuating a very vicious cycle of little girls thinking they are going to meet prince charming and live happily ever after. When I tell a story to my kid its going to go less like Cinderella and more like this:

Once upon a time, there was a twenty something girl trying to find her place in the world. After quite a few years of dating really immature twenty something guys who would rather take shots of jagermeister all night than tour wine country she decided to be on her own. When she least expected it she met "Prince Charming". After a detailed background check, STD testing, and facebook stalking they fell in love. They got married at the court house because mommy thinks weddings are stupid and settled into domestic bliss in a sweet apartment in the city. Mommy and Daddy weren't sure if they could handle a kid so we got a dog first. We didn't kill it so we decided to have you. Daddy gets on my nerves all the time. Some days I wonder why I married him. I may have plotted his accidental death on a few occasions. At the end of the day I love him though, and marriage means taking the bad with the good and not bitching out when you get bored or when you don't see eye to eye. It takes a hell of a lot of work so take your time and do your own thing until you find a person who's shit you're willing to happily put up with for the rest of eternity. If you get lonely in the meantime get a cat or two. Some days mommy is blissfully happy and some days I want to bitch slap daddy. They lived happily ever after.

I really think this type of honestly could eliminate the Romeo let down all together. I think I will refrain from watching the news tomorrow.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider...

2009-11-21T11:44:00.000-08:00

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout... or my bathroom sink as it was.

It was a typical Thursday morning for me. I slept until 7am and felt like a million bucks. I was drinking my coffee, listening to music (Iron & Wine on this particular morning but that is irrelevant) and taking my time getting ready for class. I'm in the bathroom putting on some makeup trying desperately to cover the freaking dotted treasure map that has recently appeared on my face due to stress I presume, when out of the corner of my eye I see movement. It took me a nano second to figure out what it was. I jumped back almost landing on the toilet (tiny apartment bathroom...) and sprinted to the living room. After doing the creepy crawling dance and catching my breath I began what would turn into a twenty minute pep talk that went something like this.

"You can do this Lori. Its just a little daddy long legs. (For the sake of this blog we will name him Daddy) It is just as afraid of you. So what if it has long creepy legs? You are a god damn rock star. You can do this. Just walk back in there and show Daddy who's boss."

I wish I could say my pep talk got me through this situation but unfortunately there were a few embarrassing phone calls made none of which were very effective.

Ring. Ring.

Dad - "Yeah Lori. I'm at work, are you ok?"
Me - "Daaaaaaad! There is a spider in my bathroom!"
Dad - "Ok... well go kill it"
Me - "Are you freaking kidding me? YOU raised me! Go kill it? Thats all you've got? Don't you think I would have done that by now if killing bugs was in my realm of expertise?! I can't go kill it! Its HUGE. EW... (doing the spider dance) Its creeping me out just thinking about it. EW."
Dad - "Lori... What do you want me to do honey? Should I get off the phone with you and book a flight so I can come kill it for you?"
Me- "Could you?"
Dad- "I'll get right on top of that."
Me - "Oh god. I can't deal with this."
Dad - "Do you have any bug spray?"
Me - "Why do I feel the need to remind you that a week ago I didn't own a thermometer, tylenol, or a washcloth? I'm a stupid kid. I learn everything the hard way. Of course I don't have any bug spray."
Dad - "How about hair spray?
Me - "Yeah... in the arachnid infested bathroom!"
Dad - "Lori... you're going to have to just kill it. I have to get back to work. You'll be fine. Call me later."
Me - "Holy Mother of God..."

I began pacing again. I should be leaving for class at this point. Its quickly turning into a bad hair day because my hair dryer was in the bathroom chillin with Daddy. My day is going down hill before it has even started.

I gave myself another pep talk.

"Lori... you are twenty seven years old. You took care of three kids under the age of two and no one was seriously injured. You jumped in the Chesapeake bay in January for the special olympics. You survived a winter in upstate new york. You picked up and moved three thousand miles away knowing one person. You are a god damn rock star not a damsel in distress. You can do this..."

I took a deep breath. I stood up straight. I grabbed one of my puma's and my seventh generation kitchen spray (as if this would kill anything) I planned my attack. I crept slowly toward the bathroom ninja style, staying alert for any movement. It could be anywhere by now... I slowly scanned each visible wall before moving inside. No sign of big daddy... Are you freaking kidding me? I storm out of the bathroom in complete and utter disbelief that he disappeared after I had mustered up so much courage. Back to the drawing board. I can't finish getting ready knowing freaking Daddy infidel is planning another surprise attack. It is 9:40am. I've already missed all chances of making it to my first class. I'm pissed. Now he's ruined my hair and is crawling between me and higher education. NOT COOL. I grab my puma and seventh generation and go back in for round two... It's on.

Fortunately, my seven pound cat beat me to it. HALLELUIAH!!!!!! HALLELUIAH!!!!! God love her. I walk in and she is sitting on the floor looking up at me with Daddys corpse next to her. Words cannot express my love for that cat. I finished Daddy off with some seventh generation and sent him on his journey to the next life via the toilet. RIP BITCH.

Matilda was rewarded with about a half a jar of treats. She may be eight pounds by the time there is another arachnid invasion but I don't care. She is my savior and if that makes me a cat lady than so be it!

*sigh*

I am woman hear me roar. Who needs a man when you have a cat?

2009-11-13T10:08:00.000-08:00

Where to begin, where to begin? It isn't easy being a rockstar. After weeks of high rolling I figured it was time to get off my high horse and update my blog. Today, Friday the 13th I might add, is the first day in weeks that I have been able to sit down and waste time online... ie blogging about my oh so exciting life :)

Life has been good. My new apartment feels more like home everyday. The basic necessities are in place and although it isn't perfect yet, its comfortable. I'd like to give myself all the credit. I'd love to look in the mirror and say "you Lori D are a strong independent woman living the freaking dream" but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have help. I really wasn't looking for anyone at this point in my life, it just sort of happened. I was walking home from school in the rain and on a whim I decided to stop at Williams Sonoma. I still wonder what my life would be like had I kept on walking that day... I was just browsing, flipping through cookbooks when I saw him. I couldn't help but stare. I almost walked away. What would a guy like that ever want with someone like me? Something told me to stay though. Something came over me. I felt bold that day. I slowly made my way across the store. We hit it off immediately. I just knew, the way you know about a great pair of jeans before you even try them on. "Lets get out of here" was all I said. We walked all the way across town together in the rain but somehow the rain was the furthest thing from my mind. It was romantic. We've been together everyday since. He is the first thing I see when I wake up... He knows exactly what I like and how I like it. He doesn't waste any time giving me what I want. No muss, no fuss. I know we're going to be together for many days to come.

Meet Breville. The sleek stylish functional single cup brewer. I splurged and it was worth every penny. They say money can't buy happiness but this may be the exception because my coffee brewer makes me very very happy :-)

Lets see... what else? School. School is coming along nicely. I feel like I'm doing pretty well with minimal effort which is nice. It is actually a blessing. I had my doubts about going back to school during such a busy time in my life. I am the type of person that only likes to do things I can do well. This is a terrible trait, I know but it is who I am. If I can't do something well, I'd rather not do it. Take bowling for example. I hate bowling. Whoever decided bowling would be a fun "sport" was clearly a neanderthal. I mean seriously? Grrr big strong man pick up heavy ball and try to knock things over. Uh duh... On what planet is this an enjoyable past time much less a respectable sport? Well, I can tell you what planet but I won't go there today. Point of the story, I am terrible at bowling. I mean really really terrible. Some people love bowling. Listening to music, drinking a few beers, wearing hideous footwear and knocking pins over really appeals to plenty of people. Not me. I suck at it, therefore it is stupid and only barbarians could possibly enjoy it. Luckily, school is another story. Despite my busy schedule I'm managing to do well. Wow, that was a tangent.

Public transportation. We've had our differences. I made public transportation my bitch. End of story.

Living alone. I am living alone for the first time. I was a little apprehensive but ultimately I knew I would be fine. I am an introvert to the core. I like my alone time. Sitting alone reading, or writing, listening to music or watching really lame girl movies is therapeutic for me. I find it exhausting to be around people all the time. To be perfectly honest, I am happier than I've been in a really long time.

I can be as neat or as messy as I want.

I can eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese followed spoonfuls of nutella straight from the jar and no one is around to judge but my cat...

I can walk around in my underwear.

I can dance like no one is watching because no is watching :)

I can give an American idol performance without the judges

I could go on. There are a lot of perks to living alone. With that said, there are a few down falls. Its all fun and games until someone gets sick.

I woke up with a scratchy throat yesterday morning. I was congested and my head was aching. I took a hot shower, got my zen at starbucks and sucked it up. By mid day I couldn't hold my eyes open. I decided to skip my last class and head home. I got in, ate a late lunch and curled up on the couch. An hour later I became intimately acquainted with my toilet bowl. I sat on my bathroom floor for about three hours. I was beyond sea sick. My head was pounding. My eyes were watery. If I'd had a pistol I would have used it. There is nothing I hate more than being sick to my stomach. I can handle anything but that.

I called my mom as if she could do anything for me from 3000 miles away. Our conversation went something like this.

Ring. Ring.
Mom- "Hello?"
Me - "I'm siiiiiiiick"
Mom- "Uh oh. Whats wrong"
Me- "My stomach. I'm so nauseous. My head is pounding. I'm going to die"
Mom- "Oh lord. I'm sorry. Did you take anything? You're not going to die."
Me- "I don't have anything. I'm going to diiiiiiiiiiiiie."
Mom- "You don't have any tylenol? How about a cold wash cloth? Do you have a fever? Do you have any ginger ale? You're not going to die."
Me- "Mom... I don't have any tylenol. I don't own a wash cloth or a thermometer. I don't drink soda. I'm going to die. I'm never going to feel normal again. I'm going to diiiiiiie."
Mom- "God damn it Lori. There is nothing I can do for you. If you were home I could help you but there is nothing I can do. You just had to move out there and now you're sick and there is nothing I can do. You're not going to die."
Me- "Mom... I'm going to have to call you back I'm going to be sick." CLICK.

Ring Ring.
Mom- "Are you alright?"
Me- "No. I'm dying."
Mom- "Call Aishu and Viju. I don't know what else to tell you. Call me later and let me know you're alive."
Me- "Urrrrgggh I'm going to die. My landlord is going to to smell my dead body in a week. Make sure Matt gets custody of Matilda. I'm going to diiiiiiie".
Mom "*sigh* You're not going to die".

Indeed, its all fun and games until someone gets sick. I needed a cold wash cloth. I needed a tissue. I needed tylenol. I needed someone to listen to me moan about my imminent death while playing with my hair. I needed to sip ginger ale out of a cup with a straw... the straw is important by the way. You need a straw when you're sick. I have no idea why but it just makes you better. I learned a very valuable lesson yesterday. I am a rockstar but I am not invincible. Everyone needs a person. My people are 3000 miles away and as much as I like to think I'm tough, sometimes I need someone.

Dear Aishu, Viju, Tejal, and Uma. If you read my blog, thank you for being my people. I'm so lucky to have a second family in Portland. My mom thanks you too :)

When I muster up the energy to get to the store today I will be airing on the side of caution. Ginger ale. Tylenol. Tissues. PURELL.

2009-10-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

I should undoubtedly be studying for my second midterm but I rocked my first midterm with minimal studying so I'm going with it. Procrastination rarely fails me.

Lets see. I have been running non stop for the past couple of weeks. Between going to classes, hanging with Tejal and Uma, and trying to get moved into my new place I haven't had a single minute of "me" time. I miss waking up on a Saturday morning and being able to relax in my pj's with a cup of coffee and some good music while contemplating what to do with my day. Lately my days consist of hopping out of bed after hitting the snooze button a minimum of three times and then rushing out of the house downing coffee and inevitably forgetting something. My belongings are everywhere and its shattering my psyche. I am typically a very neat and organized person. Clutter makes me nervous. It will definitely be a relief to have all of my things in one place. PS This weekend is it. I'll be moving the last of my things to my new apartment and saying goodbye to SE Portland! I think I'm still in denial. I'm really going to miss this house and more than that I'm going to miss Matt's company. Life will be very different without our constant bickering and our wildly inappropriate uncensored conversations. Lucky for me I am on my way to being a cat lady and my most faithful friend, Matilda will be around to keep me company. We've been through a lot together! Pets are amazing that way. Take this morning for example. Usually Matilda is all over me at 5:30am. Walking all over me and purring and licking my face non stop until I get out of bed. Then she proceeds to bite my feet the whole way to the bathroom. Not this morning. This morning I woke up late. I was rather groggy, a little off balance - ok whatever. I was hung over. Matilda was kind enough to let me sleep. Not only that, she curled up on my pillow right next to my head and slept with me until I rolled out of bed at 10am. She is a good friend indeed. She always knows when I'm upset or not feeling well or need a good laugh. We will survive this adventure together :)

Speaking of adventures... Getting furniture into my apartment was quite the fiasco. I bought a really pretty couch at City Liquidators in SE Portland. The selection was huge, the prices were amazing and they deliver. It should have been so easy. My couch was supposed to be delivered last weekend. I was promised a phone call the night before to confirm and another call the day of to give me a two hour window for arrival. I did not receive either of these calls. I got a phone call late in the afternoon saying they were in front of my apartment waiting to get in. Unfortunately I wasn't there. I had to reschedule the delivery for the following Saturday. I kindly asked for a phone call at least an hour before their arrival. I wait and wait and wait all day that Saturday. No phone call. I call the store, and they know nothing. They give me the numbers of their delivery trucks to try to locate my couch (as if I should have to do this... pretty sure that is their job). The drivers are clueless. I call the store again and they somehow lost my paper work. At this point I'm getting cranky because its almost 6pm and I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be spending next Saturday waiting for them again. I finally got a call back from a driver saying they had located my couch and they would arrive in 20 minutes. They arrived in 2 minutes but whatever, they arrived. The couch just barely made it through the door of my apartment. They left and I was relieved to finally have a place to sit until I went to leave that night and saw the hole the movers left in the hallway wall trying to get the couch in... I about died. I am just waiting for my landlord to confront me. Damn city liquidators. Moral of the story? You get what you pay for.

It is 11pm now. I should probably go to bed as I will be taking out all of my aggression on the snooze button at 5:30am.

2009-10-12T19:47:00.001-07:00

I should be reading or writing a paper right now, no doubt about it. There is a very good possibility that post midterms my blogging habits will suddenly decrease. School has always come very easily to me and most people would say that is great but there is a downside. I have been known to get such a big head about being the genius that I am, that sometimes I take too relaxed an attitude and get a swift kick in the butt at test time. I guess in a couple of weeks I'll find out if my work ethic is up to par!

Quick update and then time to get serious about being serious.

There is a very good possibility that I found the best breakfast spot in Portland Oregon over the weekend. Tin Shed. Every last bite of my pesto scramble was delectable... They have a fabulous heated outdoor patio and a menu that will make you want to eat breakfast every meal of the day. I prefer to do this anyway... but I'm telling you, normal people will want to as well after visiting Tin Shed.

Last night I drug Matt to see Ingrid Michaelson play at the Wonder Ballroom. I adore Ingrid Michaelson. What girl doesn't? How could you not fall in love with someone who offers to buy you rogaine when you start losing all your hair? What really amazed me last night was how talented she actually is. Her songs are sweet and catchy, some even deep but her recordings don't do her talent justice. What an amazing voice! I also fall hard for musicians who can play multiple instruments. I have talent envy :)

I really only had one problem with the show and that was the nauseatingly happy couples who showed up together and couldn't keep their hands off each other. I seriously almost projectile vomited my dinner all over this couple next to me... and the couple in front of me... Obnoxious couple #1 slowed danced to every song, even the fast ones. I have no idea how they were even a couple because I've never seen such awkward dancing and that can only mean one thing... but thats beside the point. It was vomiticious to say the least. Couple #2 tapped the beat to every single song on each others asses. Ok. I'm sorry, jean pocket. I am not exaggerating in the least. They had their hands on each others "back jean pockets" ALL night. Yuck yuck yuck. Maybe I've forgotten what its like to be in love and if that is true than I apologize for offending anyone who enjoys slow dancing to an entire concert, or groping to the beat of a drum.

Moving right along! My new apartment is coming together nicely. I got a sweet deal on a couch this weekend at the furniture liquidation store in SE. I spent a few hours at my new address unpacking and organizing on Sunday. I am pretty much moved out of the house on Hawthorne. The only things I have left to move over are my clothes and things I use every day. That is kind of a scary thought considering my new place still looks pretty empty but I think once all of the furniture is in and I get some pictures on the walls it will be cozier :) I plan on being officially moved in by the end of the month!

Ok, paper writing here I come. Pale Ale in hand. Jazz in the background. Get ready for greatness PSU... or a really half ass last minute attempt at greatness :)

2009-10-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

Today was the quintessential fall day. The leaves are starting to turn, the sky is a darker blue and the air is just a little bit cooler. As I walked down Belmont street today, I realized something.

As much as I love the coming of fall, it has always been a nostalgic time of year for me. Bittersweet even... As I was walking along looking around me, it occurred to me that I don't feel that way this year. Everything about my life in Portland is still new. Last year was a whirl wind, I hardly remember the fall at all. I don't have any sentimental memories attached to this city yet.

Back east, there were back roads that I traveled time and again to get to work, school, friends houses... (when you live in a small town the same two roads take you just about everywhere...) Even so, they were breathtaking in the fall. I'd be in my car with the windows down despite the chilly air, surrounded by a rainbow of leaves as far as the eye could see and be flooded with memories and nostalgia. Chai tea, the smell of burning leaves, certain songs still take me back there. I suppose because it is such a beautiful time of year I remember things more vividly. I am left wondering what it is I will be thinking about as the season changes a year or two from now. I feel like time is going by so quickly and the changes are never ending. I hope this year isn't another whirlwind with nothing to yearn for in hindsight. I'm really a stop and smell the roses kind of girl and I hate the idea of days and weeks passing me by.

What really grinds my gears...

2009-10-08T18:46:00.000-07:00

No one can be Mary Poppins EVERY DAY. Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. By the end of the day I couldn't help but wonder if I am being taken over by hormones, or if I am on the fast track to cynicism. Ever have a day that convinces you that the world is on a special mission just to piss you off? I don't have them often but when I do its disturbing to say the least.

I am losing my patience for some of the students at PSU. Ok, that isn't accurate. I'm really losing my patience for some of the egos at PSU. Had I known that I would be spending money to listen to stone idiots regurgitate what the professor said ten minutes prior for the pure sake of hearing their own voice and having their ego stroked I would have enrolled at the university of phoenix... Seriously? Since when do students get commended for re wording things and interrupting class to share it? I am all for intelligent contributions and original ideas but I am completely baffled at some of the asinine things that people think are worth taking up class time for. What is even more appalling is the professors response! It must totally suck to have to humor completely inappropriate and off topic comments for the sake of not getting bashed on ratemyprofessor.com. During the six hours I spend in class I probably spend at least an hour each day spacing out while people ask stupid questions, make stupid comments, which ultimately lead to the professor going off on some tangent just to try to make a piece of what a student said sort of relevant. It is so perplexing. I don't remember professors babying students or stroking their egos when I was in school in NY. It must be a west coast thing.

Moving right along... Attempted murder at PSU today. 4pm. I'm finished with class, heading outside for my walk home. I realize I forgot my ipod which has completely ruined an already crappy day. I'm walking down the stairs when a guy with sticky looking hair and an overpriced polo comes up the stairs right in front of me. I assure you there was no over crowding issue... I move to the side to let him by, he moves to the same side blocking me. I give him the benefit of the doubt despite the grin on his face. I move to the other side and it becomes apparent that this is some warped way of flirting. I move again only to be blocked again. My faith in a higher power was renewed today because it took all I had in me not to shove this guy down the stairs... It would have been so easy. Just a little unexpected tap and he would have been out of my way :) On what planet is this an appropriate way of flirting? Ew.

Speaking of the opposite sex and things that are inappropriate... You know what? I won't even go there.

Ok. Thats a lie. I will go there. Its freaking Planet Penis. The rules are different on planet penis. Apparently communicating like a toddler or not at all, is completely acceptable there. Common sense... common courtesy... none of that exists. The only thing that exists on planet penis is ones self. Men, correction, BOYS never cease to amaze me. I want to move to a planet where boy meets girl. Boy likes girl and behaves like a gentleman. Girl likes boy back and they live happily ever after. I mean, it should be so simple. I like you. You like me. Lets hang out and see what happens. This is why I live on planet CAT.

One more thing. WHY when I go to a restaurant is it necessary for the hostess to say "is it JUST you"? YES, it is JUST me! What is wrong with saying table for one? Ok. fine. I'm hormonal. Whatever.

Perhaps the stress is finally getting to me. Today in my health psychology class we were given a list of about twenty stressful life events that can affect your health. At the rate I'm going I'll be dead in a year...

And with that, Mary Poppins shall return tomorrow :)

lyrics that I love

2009-10-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

So very true.

Sunday Evening

2009-10-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, if you are not familiar with the musical stylings of Alexi Murdoch what are you doing reading my blog? Seriously? Stop what you're doing. Download Time Without Consequence and get ready to be blown away. Orange sky and Wait are my "go to" calm down put things in perspective songs but the whole album is amazing. I love music of every variety, but I really can't remember the last time I was so touched. I feel it is my duty to pass this along.

Moving right along! My weekend was, well... busy! I spent Saturday and night with Tejal and Uma. We had an awesome day together. Tejal learned how to say "No way"! I taught her to say it to her dog whenever he tries to steal her food but she quickly realized that the phrase "NO WAY" could be applied to many other situations.

Me - "Tejal, would you like to read a book?"
Tejal - "No way!"

Me - "Tejal, lets clean up your toys".
Tejal - "No way!"

Me - "Tejal, I think its time for a rest".
Tejal - No way!"

Ahhh I should know better by now :) Needless to say my day was filled with lots of laughter!

Today was not quite as leisurely. After a big breakfast at Genies, Matt and I loaded up his car and started taking my things to my new apartment. I think I conveniently forgot how much moving sucks...

I forgot that men are actually good for some things, like lifting heavy boxes :) Unfortunately the only man in my life has a broken wrist which means that his help was limited to holding the door for me and offering words of encouragement... "Come on Bean! A few more steps!" I was cursing myself for owning so many books and after a couple of boxes I seriously considered breaking Matt's other wrist! My body hurts :(

The house on Hawthorne is looking pretty empty at the moment so I feel like day one of moving was pretty productive. Day two will take place after I purchase some furniture! It really never occurred to me that I might be living alone when I moved to Portland. I doubt I would have shipped my furniture even had I known where life would take me, but I still feel like I somehow should have been more prepared.

After a morning of moving I opted to spend a couple of hours on the couch! I was so tired but ended up having one of those obnoxious naps where you're sort of asleep but your brain is still awake. I finally got up and started my day again later in the afternoon. I spent the rest of the evening at one of my favorite SE hangouts, The Pied Cow. It was so nice to sit outside enjoying the cool fall evening with the luxury of outdoor heaters. I did some reading for school, had a few drinks and finished my night with a banana nutella crepe :)

It is about 9:30pm now. As I sit here alone with my thoughts, I can't help but fester over a thought that I swore I would lay to rest...

First week back to school in review

2009-10-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

This week has been amusing to say the least... I will try to stick to the highlights for my sake and yours.

Let me begin by saying that not much has changed. The last time I was at a University (community college is a whole other ball game) was 2003. Things are still pretty much the same as far as I can tell, although Portland State certainly has its quirks. The quirks will be the subject of this blog.

Human Development. 10am. I am sucking down a cup of Starbucks coffee like a fiend while staring in disbelief at the number of post adolescents around me. Ok, truly I am staring at what the post adolescents are wearing because east coast fashion rules don't apply in Portland and it still fascinates me. For example, is it really ok to wear a "dress" that does not completely cover your butt (lets keep this clean) if you have leggings underneath? Ask Jackie O. I think not. Purple hair. Need I say more? The guys are a complete mystery so I won't even go there.

Anyway, my morning was kind of awesome because for once I didn't make an ass of myself. The girl next to me did. A fellow coffee fiend must not have had enough coffee because right in the middle of lecture (100+ students present) this chicks coffee cup goes flying. I was sitting right next to her and I couldn't tell you how it happened. In slow motion I see the cup and its contents airborne. Most of it landed on the woman in front of her instead of me thank god. (Sucks to be her, and her macbook...) It was quite the scene. I truly felt for the girl. It was just so miraculous that it wasn't my coffee cup taking flight. These are usually the things that only happen to me! I totally felt her pain but there was also secret refreshment that the embarrassing moment for the day for once didn't belong to me!

Social Psychology. 12pm. Sociology people scare me. In general they are ultra liberal, opinionated, and will argue with you just for the sake of arguing. I think half of them read the entire text book before the first day of class. This is Portland STATE people, not Harvard law. Calm it.

Health Psychology. 2pm. There are some personalities in this class that really baffle me. I had to sit all the way in the back on my first day because I got there late so I was able to get a good look at my classmates. I couldn't hear anything the professor was saying all the way in the back, so what else was I to do? Lets start with the dinosaur wearing nike high tops using a prehistoric lap top. He was sitting in the back because his 20 pound computer had to be plugged in. I would never poke fun at a well meaning student but this guy was so obnoxious it was just too easy. Its like he said every stupid thing that popped into his head out loud despite the fact that there was a lecture going on. Then there is Snack Pack guy. Two days in a row he has shown up to class and whipped out a cup of apple sauce followed by a pudding snack pack. He is quite the creative fellow. He forgot his spoon today, but needed that pudding so badly that he made a scooper out of his apple sauce lid. Very resourceful indeed. I should have known a guy who took so much care highlighting his tips and uses a netbook to take notes would be able to construct a spoon from a small piece of aluminum. Perhaps he will hook up with knitting girl by the end of the term. Seriously? Since when is it appropriate to substitute knitting for taking notes? It is completely perplexing to me. Perhaps she has a mind that works better when body is in motion? I have read about that... but somehow I'm doubting this is the case. I think she is just a Portlander... Lastly, there is scary hair girl. Carefully constructed 1950's style hair sprayed enough to survive Katrina featuring all the colors of the rainbow. I am learning so much at school.

All joking aside, I am overjoyed to be back in school. Learning is so satisfying to me and I am lucky enough to be at the point in my education where I can study what I am interested in. Portland State is a generally friendly, and very eclectic community. While I miss my leisurely days off, I feel really good about the path I'm on.

Play

2009-09-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Right now I am reading a book called Play How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.

I wanted to share this quote because it is how I try to live my life and what I think other people should strive for. It always makes me sympathetic to scroll down facebook and see so many people saying things like "Can't wait until Friday" or "Hope today goes by fast". Wishing your life away, living for the weekends seems so sad to me. Most of us will spend the vast majority of our lives at work. It is whether we recognize it or not, part of our life purpose. I realize that not all jobs are exciting. Not everyone is lucky enough to make a career of what they feel passionate about, but I do believe that life is what you make of it.

"The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he's always doing both".

A few thoughts...

2009-09-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I worry that I don't take enough time to reflect on just how lucky I am. Yes, I have the occasional rant on my daily awkward encounters and I do on occasion put off a slightly bitter betty attitude (even though deep down inside I will always be a positive patty...) but today I had one of those "slow down, stop and smell the roses" moments.

I've had a lot on my plate lately. As I am finally adjusting to a new city, I am going back to school full time next Tuesday. I am moving across town in a few weeks and living alone for the first time, and in a lot of ways I am re adjusting my expectations. I'm not really sure what I expected for myself in my twenties, but I never expected to be where I am right now. Where I am right now is in a house on Hawthorne Blvd 3000 miles from all that is familiar, drinking Hefeweizen with my freaking cat next to me passing judgement because I'm home on a Friday night. Whatever. You're a cat.

Maybe this will be me. Who knows? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp0Q3UJHrkU I'm telling you... A few more cats, it could be me!

Ok. Straying away from the point.

Pine Cones. That is what I'm talking about. Nothing brings Tejal more joy than pine cones these days. She wants to keep every single one she finds. She tries to hold four or five in her hand at a time. She absolutely loves them. Squirrels. Dogs. Sticks. Leaves. These are the simple things that bring a smile and wonder to the face of a toddler and guess what? She is happy all the time. Children are amazing because they live in the moment. They recognize and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. They don't have a time line or a five year plan. They have very few expectations. They fall down and they get back up. They find joy in everything we take for granted.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to find joy in the process. I think this is why I love being outside, before the ocean, under trees, mountains, anything larger than myself. I need to feel small sometimes to see the big picture. I need to remember what its like to be a child and to revel in the simple things.

Things don't always work out the way we plan. In fact, they rarely do. The past few years of my life have been unrecognizable to what I had imagined but that is not to say they were bad... The past few weeks have turned out much differently than I had hoped but I have to believe that in hindsight it was for the best. Over analyzing is my strong point but it is pointless. Sitting and wondering what if, means missing out on something else in the here and now like the leaves changing, the air being a little colder, or pine cones! I am so lucky in so many ways. What will be will be, but there is no day like today.

Almost forgot...

2009-09-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, it is a rarity that I blog twice in a day BUT today is not just any day and I over looked that earlier. Greys Anatomy is finally back and in honor of that I figured I would put up a little display for all of our viewing pleasure... or just mine. Whatever.

Enough said.

An urbanite I am not... yet.

2009-09-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by saying there are a lot of ups to public transportation. It is cheaper than driving. No doubt about it. It is the "green" thing to do. It is less stressful than weaving in and out of city traffic and inevitably driving down a one way. Blah blah blah. None of this matters when you grew up in a town with one highway dominated by obnoxious white upper middle class desperate housewives driving mini vans. The odds were always stacked against me. You can take the girl out of Westminster but you can never take the Westminster out of the girl... at least not easily. I have NOT mastered public transportation as much as I'd like to consider myself a little urbanite these days.

I consider myself to be very punctual but sometimes I need to leave the house at say 8:06am instead of 8:01am. When you are relying on public transportation this can turn into a huge ordeal and has. I was late for my orientation at PSU last week because quite frankly I felt it was a necessity to straighten my hair before leaving the house. No harm done but I had to take a later bus and stand the whole way into the city. Up until now I've been lucky enough to take the bus and street car at "off times". I usually walk to work at the crack of dawn when most of Portland is still fast asleep. My leisurely travel has never landed me on a bus at rush hour. So, back to crowded buses and standing. The rest of the people standing on the bus make it look so easy. They're just hanging out, listening to their hipster music, doing there hipster thing. Enter me. Cardigan. Pearls. Holding on for dear life praying I don't fall on top of the guy who clearly hasn't bathed in weeks while trying to make the same casual I do this all the time face as everyone else. Is it just me? I think it might be. It is still somewhat perplexing though. I mean, I make a living lifting babies, and pushing strollers. I go the gym and while I don't grunt lifting 100 pound dumbbells I think my bicep and tricep reps deserve a little respect... Maybe the women at NW Womens' fitness will know of a good don't die or kill anyone while getting across town on the crowded bus exercise. Being the fitness enthusiast that I am, I just can't understand why holding my own on a bus has proven to be such a challenge. End Rant.

Ok, that was a lie. That was not the end of my public transportation rant. It is supposed to be easier and less stressful than driving but I think that is only if you actually know what you're doing. I like to think I know what I'm doing but inevitably I screw up and my suburbia upbringing finds a way to shine. Today I had a meeting with my advisor at PSU. I was already dreading it because I had to be there at 9:30am. Don't get me wrong, I am a morning person to the core... but anything interrupting my 3 hours of drinking coffee, watching the Today Show, downloading music, surfing the web routine sort of pisses me off. My mornings off do for me what yoga does for the rest of SE. SO, I did my very best to down a pot of coffee and make it out the door on time. I actually got to the bus stop just in time to get downtown. Oops. Forgot my Trimet pass. I just HAD to switch purses. The world certainly would have come to an end this morning if I used the same bag I used yesterday (the bag where my trimet pass is). I was "that person" searching for the correct change for a stupid bus pass when I already paid the $75 for a month pass. This was frustrating to say the least. To ad insult to injury I felt that I could multi task and call and wish my friend Gwen a happy birthday on my way to PSU. Apparently interrupting my morning routine completely eliminates my ability to multi task because I completely spaced and missed my stop. I came back to right before the bus left the city. Yep, you can say it. dumb bitch. Frantic, I hop off the bus and start booking it to PSU. I don't even really know where it is. My approach to directions tends to be wander aimlessly, find a familiar landmark and then miraculously stumble upon what you were looking for. It truly has worked for me in the past. It worked for me today... sort of. I did make it to my advising appointment, twenty minutes late and a hot mess but I made it. Served me right to hear that it will probably take me two years to finish my stupid degree that I started on close to a decade ago. I should have a freaking phD right now but such is life. I tend to be impulsive yet completely indecisive and I don't commit to anything that I don't feel strongly about. Is this the best approach to life? Doubtful. The only thing I can say is that I hate what ifs. I've pursued the things in my life that I've felt passionate about. It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind. I've taken advantage of that privilege many times. I like to think I've dodged a few bullets. I mean, what if I'd completed a nursing degree only to find that I couldn't draw blood or give an injection without a healthy dose of valium first? I can't imagine that being a rewarding career... What if I had finished my bio degree only to realize that the only jobs left for bio majors not going to professional school are in a lab? I can't imagine a life in a lab everyday. All of this ads up to me heading back to school at twenty seven to finish my first bachelors degree... I say this as if there will be many... hahaha. At least in the meantime I have the coolest job ever.

*sigh* Here I sit in a coffee shop in the Pearl. I wandered aimlessly away from PSU and stumbled upon this place. It looked kind of cool. They serve stumptown which is awesome but I'm not sure I'll be a regular here. The music kind of makes me want to jump out of my skin and the clientele are a different breed. A mix of retirees, young Portland jobless wonders (perhaps people think I fall into this category...haha), pretentious jerks in suits and of course, the hipsters. The NW hipsters are a little happier than the SE hipsters it seems. Maybe this is because they're rocking really expensive 80's throwbacks and living in the Pearl as opposed to the struggling artists/students in SE who shop at Red Light and share homes with four or five other Buddhist vegans. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Alright, laptop battery is low. End Rant.

Its Official

2009-09-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it is almost official. I am signing my lease for my new apartment in NW Portland on Saturday. Yikes! There is something really intimidating about signing a lease but commitment issues aside, I'm actually really excited. I love NW and my new place is a hop skip and a jump from NW 23rd and the Pearl district. It will be quite a change from SE Portland but lets face it, I never really fit in with the hipsters anyway :) The men wear their jeans tighter than me, greasy hair is considered attractive and 1980's fashion is back in full force. no. no. no. I'll miss SE and all of its quirks. I will miss being able to walk out of my house a busted ass mess always knowing that around the corner someone looks worse than me, but I think overall NW will be a positive change for me.

My move in date is October 1st. By all rights I should be packing instead of blogging but procrastination has never failed me so I'm going to continue to sip on this cup of coffee and get lost in the million and one thoughts running through my head for just a few more minutes.

In addition to moving, I have made the command decision to finish my Bachelors degree... finally. I start back at Portland State University next Monday. I love school. I'm good at school. School is one thing that I do really well. Organization and reading and learning sort of make my world go round. I finally have a pretty good idea of what I want to do with my life and I knew that when I moved to Portland that one of my goals was to finish my degree so here I go! I'll be taking three classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Changes. Changes. Changes. Current Mood? OVERWHELMED.

Food for thought. What is the deal with people getting married and registries? I mean seriously? EVERYONE lives together before they get married now and inevitably accumulate all of the things they need prior to walking down the isle. It is my opinion that registries should be reserved for the young single people. These are the people who need registries. I would like to register for a furnished apartment.

The late afternoon latte keeps me awake...

2009-09-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

I just had to have that pumpkin spice latte... I realize that 10:15pm isn't that late for most people but when the alarm clock goes off at 5:15am, 10pm becomes a completely reasonable time to go to bed. Unfortunately I couldn't resist a trip to Starbucks after the gym today or anytime for that matter. SO, I sit listening to music watching my cat sprint around the apartment for no apparent reason and I decide to start blogging again.

I feel like I'm at one of those turning points in my life. The turning points that you get so caught up in that you only realize their significance further down the road. When I first moved to Portland every day was a struggle in one way or another. The things I take for granted now were a big deal then. I was terrified to fly across the country by myself. I had a hand drawn map of SE Portland so I wouldn't get lost going to the grocery store. I cried my eyes out when my favorite sweater got ruined my first time going to a laundry mat. I got a cat because I was so lonely... and I hate cats. I can't believe a year and a half has gone by. I can't help but smile thinking about those first few months...

I am a planner. I like making plans. I like it when things go as planned. If there is one thing I've learned, it is that life is what happens while you're busy making plans. I'm trying to adopt the one day at a time attitude these days. We'll see how that goes.